13 October 2008

Origami es mi amigo?

One recent evening, my wife J- was rigorously preparing for a lesson in origami, which is tied to a book her class has been reading, Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. She's got to earn that big-time teacher's salary, with its infamous golden parachute and "consulting fees", somehow, right?

As she happily found out, gone are the dark days when you had to rely on boring old written steps to work magic with paper. No, folks, now we have the wonder of full-motion video at our fingertips 24 hours a day.

So now, whole fractions of an hour later, J- is a largely self-made expert in this ancient art. I know she would be more than happy to know I am passing on the lessons I learned by watching her study under her master sensei.

From piles of crumbled paper emerged this golden craneI've decided it's most appropriate for me to impart my learning in a format as cryptic as a 7-minute video called How to make an Origami Crane in five minutes.* So without further adieu, here are just a few of the pearls of wisdom that my wife was so gracious to hand down to me:

• Alright, I'm starting over.

• The f***???

• Wait, what??!? How??

• Fold this, a**hole! Slow down!!

• This... is not a crane.


* In all fairness, I think the extra two minutes were the pumpkin pie breaks and requisite loud chewing, and since the value of those moments is unquestionable, I won't push my critiques any further for fear they might get edited out.
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31 comments:

  1. Goldfish10/13/08, 3:09 PM

    My sister made me 1000 paper cranes when I got married (she was living in Japan at the time). It took her *ten* months. That's love. Or boredom.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10/13/08, 3:33 PM

    And now we can wonder how she will show her class and how they will manage. Maybe she should teach M- first.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous10/13/08, 3:34 PM

    On the brighter side, I did finally learn how to make the cranes, though it took me days and a lot of mumbling... oh all right, loudly swearing at the computer and other things.

    I have many of the trial versions available for the low, low price of $100 (please don't call them crumbled balls of paper: they have feelings, too).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Vodka Mom10/13/08, 3:39 PM

    That's why I slip over to the ESL room and rope in a couple of Chinese kids to come over and make those cranes FOR ME. Ha. I'm resourceful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Russ10/13/08, 3:44 PM

    The next thing she should try is towel folding. My Dad took a short course on it and learned how to make bears, snakes (that one can't be tough), flowers, and other stuff. The best part, no risk of paper cuts!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mrs. B. Roth10/13/08, 3:44 PM

    The how to make a paper crane lesson is one of the few things I remember from second grade.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kori10/13/08, 3:52 PM

    Clearly J is a better woman than I; I would have given up after the very first F*#k, and then decided that I really didn't like teaching anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Debbie10/13/08, 4:02 PM

    Now the thing about those videos is that they are manipulated and edited to make these things look easy when, in fact, they are a plot to drive us all insane.

    ReplyDelete
  9. LiteralDan10/13/08, 4:25 PM

    Russ: I like your idea even better than origami, but I think both J- and I will need to start by actually folding towels once in awhile before we move on to folding them artfully.

    ReplyDelete
  10. unmitigated me10/13/08, 4:29 PM

    Fold, schmold. They work the same right out of the basket.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous10/13/08, 5:09 PM

    you're not doing a guest lecture that day, are ya!?

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  12. Issa10/13/08, 5:29 PM

    I think I could spend the rest of my life trying and not be able to do that. I never could get the hang of paper airplanes either.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jenny Grace10/13/08, 5:50 PM

    I think I might love your wife.

    ReplyDelete
  14. TerriRainer10/13/08, 6:41 PM

    I hope you were at least wearing protective eye-wear...those things look sharp!

    :) Terri

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  15. Ali10/13/08, 9:12 PM

    I'm embarrassed to say that I had to watch the video example of how to print on the back side of the paper after it comes out of the printer for 5 minutes. There's no way I'd perfect origami in the same amount of time!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Brittany10/13/08, 9:54 PM

    I am with your wife, I get equally frustrated folding things, especially clothes. Though I rock at folding jeans, thanks to too many college years resigned to the denim wall at The Gap.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Leslie10/13/08, 10:15 PM

    Vodka Mom makes me laugh.

    And Russ? I can make a very phallic looking towel. It's strange skill I acquired in college. Maybe if Vodka Mom shares one of her martinis, I'll show you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Whiney Momma10/13/08, 10:52 PM

    Whoa, these take a whole lot of patience that I don't have. I am a bit jealous of your wife. There is nothing like a good origami.

    ReplyDelete
  19. thegirlof51010/13/08, 11:57 PM

    I loved that book when I read it in 6th grade! I wanted to make 1,000 paper cranes. I know I started on it, but I can't remember how many I ended up with...

    ReplyDelete
  20. LiteralDan10/14/08, 1:37 AM

    Hey, if you all need some spare cranes, J-'s got herself a regular sweatshop set up at the school-- place your orders now!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ringleader10/14/08, 2:29 AM

    I made 100 paper cranes once and it took me approximately 100 years give or take. I was nice and culturally sensisitve and asked the 1st Japanes person I could think of to show me how- cuz- all Japanaes paople are born knowing how to do it- right? They rolled their eyes and taught me anyway. I would rather staple myself in the forehead than do it again. I can't even make paper dolls that son't fall apart.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Carolyn...Online10/14/08, 6:56 AM

    The only thing worse than trying origami is your kid trying origami.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Kevin McKeever10/14/08, 8:21 AM

    Put is there a video that teaches them to fold clothes and put them away.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Laski10/14/08, 9:54 AM

    Yeah . . . no way.

    I admire her.

    But, I have to say, I'd totally pay attention to a video with those fabulous pearls.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Chris M.10/14/08, 11:54 AM

    I wanna see some origami air planes come out of this deal.

    If there's not one kid in the class that's throwing a plane around the room, I'm going to be sorely disappointed.

    -Chris
    Weather Moose

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous10/14/08, 12:58 PM

    I'm more of a squares expert. Give me a piece of paper, (ANY paper!) and I'll fold it into a nice, neat square for you, in under 5 minutes.

    I'd also be willing to give lessons.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous10/14/08, 1:49 PM

    Does every school do that lesson? Last year my daughter's class did it...and I'll admit, I cried over the story.

    I think you should've posted a video of yourself attempting to make the cranes after J's example--no?

    BTW--thanks for your comment yesterday. It really helps to hear that others have gone through similar situations & come out ok in the end. :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Donna Reed In Blue Jeans10/14/08, 2:24 PM

    Came over from Terri's blog.

    How FUN for you wife's class! We have that book, Sadako. My daughter loved it.

    I love origami! I actually covered my nieces gift with origami flowers, butterflies, frogs, and cranes. It took me DAYS to do it. My husband summed it up in one sentence, "What are all these little paper and why are they all over the house?" Lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Irrational Dad10/14/08, 9:45 PM

    I can make a paper airplane that barely flies, and a kootie-catcher. That's the extent of my origami.

    OHHHH... wait.. I think I can still make a paper football if I really concentrated.

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Microblogologist10/15/08, 4:06 AM

    My sister sent me this link, this might help for future origami projects: http://www.instant-origami.com/

    That book is very sad, I remember reading it at some point and learning how to make cranes. I can also make frogs and totally got a detention for making them and having jumping contests with them in math class in 7th grade, as if it were my fault it was boring and I had paper...

    ReplyDelete
  31. LiteralDan10/25/08, 5:01 PM

    I'm thinking maybe J- should start a series of instructional videos featuring mediocre results and a filthy mouth.

    They could be appreciated on so many levels!

    ReplyDelete

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