Here's more of the latest developments around our house:
1. I've advised D- to invest some pennies in one of those super-skinny piano-key neckties, based on the amount of time he's lately been spending tickling the plastics on his toy synthesizer.
2. In a triumph for those who claim toilet humor as the inborn and fundamental base of all things that are funny, my 20-month-old daughter M-'s latest addition to her comedy routine consists of pointing to her backside and declaring, "Bum-bum!" before dissolving into giddy laughter.
3. D- has completed some kind of generational shift by referring to our corded phone as, I kid you not, a "cordless phone with a cord".
4. After spilling a large cup of juice all over our recliner, the floor, and myself, my second thought was that at least it will smell a lot better than most of the other things spilled around our house.
5. M- may have become the first known human in untold thousands of years to happily eat a raw crabapple, perhaps because it was sweetened to tolerability by the illicitness of having stolen it from the pile D- had gathered from the yard.
I just read something about crabapples. It wasn't here, was it? My memory just isn't what it used to be. Anyway, I thought it then, but I'll say it now... I had no idea people actually ate crabapples.
ReplyDeleteSoon M- will discover the joy of "Poop!" and "Fart!" I'm sure D- can help her along, even though she's swiping his crabapples.
ReplyDeleteWhat took me so long to find your blog?
ReplyDeleteI'm not crafty, but I'm gonna help your Technorati ranking right now.
Ah yes. The thought after spilling the orange juice. I have that thought, or similar ones, all the time in my car. Some version of "Well, it couldn't be any worse than it already was."
ReplyDeleteHmmm .... maybe I should spill something in the minivan rather than go hunting for the funky smell ....
ReplyDeleteAlso, my kids have never seen a corded phone, we are the kind who no longer even have a land line. There was a toy phone at a friends house (the one with the rotary dial and gogglie eyes) my 2 yr old decided it must be a train of some kind - made it say "choo choo" not "ring ring." Tried to show him how the hand piece goes to your ear, but he'd have none of it.
And with the bathroom humor, never laugh at something you don't want repeated ... we are plagued with constant "poo poo face, hee hee hee" at our house. Mother-in-law was not amused.
What was your first thought?
ReplyDeleteI can't wait until that kid can fart with her armpit!
ReplyDeleteHow much is your influence and how much is from D- that she finds this so funny?
ReplyDeleteJuice is much better than milk. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to buy a musical instrument today. I need him to find something fun to do while allowing me to feel I'm a good parent. But if that doesn't work, I'll buy him a TV for the crib.
ReplyDeleteM- I'm 32 and that Bum- bum bit still kills every time I do it.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE crabapples.
ReplyDeleteThe super-skinny tie? So awesome. If you can get your kid to wear one for a picture, I think that'll bump you right into Blogging For A Living territory. I will click on every single ad, every single day, for the rest of our lives if you get your kid dressed up and playing the toy synthesizer. I'll do it today, just for the mere mention of it.
ReplyDeleteYou've triggered a memory. I forgot all about this until the moment I read the words "bum bum" and "giddy laughter":
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kThgRH5ac4
How did M- know?
Gross, crabapple.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't have the same synthesizer we have, the SUPER LOUD one that keeps playing the beat until you physically turn it off. My son likes to play it in the hallway outside of his sleeping sister's room. It's lovely.
ah, yes, LD, it's the little things. thanks for reminding me.
ReplyDeleteBum-bum is hilarious, no matter the age. I'm laughing right now.
ReplyDeleteBum-bum.
HA!
Burping the ABCs is the next phase.
ReplyDeleteokay, wait a minute. Your phone has a cord? for real?
ReplyDeleteMy daughter always hits her butt and says booty butt over and over. It's kind of unnerving.
ReplyDeleteMake sure if you're saving for a skinny tie that you invest in a sold choice. A fave is always the skinny keyboard tie. It will look wonderful with your eyes.
ReplyDeleteNiecey would totally fit in with those two, she was doing some kind of butt wiggle dance to taunt me when she visited last, of course never when I had the camera ready! I wonder what she would think if she saw a "cordless phone with a cord", not sure if she ever has.
ReplyDeleteA "cordless phone with a cord"? You still have one of those????
ReplyDeleteI'm very pathetically begging off of my personal goal of responding to each (super-cool, greatly appreciated) comment, due to sheer chaos in my poorly scheduled life. Anyone looking to loan out a personal assistant?
ReplyDeleteHere's a smattering of responses, to help us all ease the pain:
Debbie: When you're right, you're right-- juice smells good, right? It's practically an air freshener!
Mama Dawg: My first thought, of course, was something along the lines of "God dammit, motherf***in' piece of f***in' s***! I swear to f***in' God I will f***ing kill... myself." And then I frowned.
MamaNeena: For some reason, I've always struggled with that skill, so who knows if she'll get it?
Mary: I'd say 80/18, with 2 percent coming from J-, cause she is awesome.
People in the Sun: Both your heart and your head are in the right place-- you won't be sorry. Except for when he's playing without stopping, for hours at a time.
But even that won't feel as bad as when the kid is screaming with boredom while you try your damndest to ignore them and sleep, play videogames, or deal cocaine.
Renee: You're got my attention, for sure... how about you keep doing that for a week or so as a show of good faith, then I'll start cruising thrift shops. Cause I have no idea where else I could find one.
blissfullycaffeinated: I will curse your name for the rest of the week as I try to shake that song from my head, along with its bastard cousin conceived by Eminem ("The Real Slim Shady")
Imez: Must be a chick thing... I have never found toilet humor amusing. Ever. Ever!
Poop.
Shannon: We have one for when the cordless phones die, which is lately after about 8 minutes each.
Everyone should have at least one, for when the power goes and such. Right?
Done. I got some drums and a xylophone+keyboard combination. And a fire truck. And a soccer ball. Anything to keep him away from my CDs.
ReplyDeleteMy baby sibling had recently entered the blogosphere and found one of my many links to you and was totally cracking up reading your blog (and blaming ME for her budding addiction). She still lives in the Chicagoland area and is watching Niecey, what's two more... I say dump them off on my family's doorstep and pick them up when you are done with your important blogging responsibilities!
ReplyDeleteThey had one of those piano ties at the costume store yesterday. In the "Lame '80s" section. Want a dozen?
ReplyDeletePeople in the Sun: Wow, you came armed to the teeth! It's the only way to be.
ReplyDeleteThe Microblogologist: Well shucks, that's always good to hear. Be careful offering babysitting services to desperate parents-- she just may end up with a couple of kids on her doorstep! (For weeks on end as I keep doing "just one more thing")
Always Home and Uncool: Seriously, they did?? One would be hilarious-- then I could win Renee's (above) undying loyalty and financial support by proxy.
Now I feel kinda like I have a genie-- Hmmmm... I wish I could find a house for $500... wouldn't that be nice...?
My grandmother made crabapple jelly. It was absolutely divine.
ReplyDeleteYou know, except for the second f**kin', I was EXACTLY right in what I thought you said. How weird!
ReplyDeleteCarabee: That was the goal-- we had at least one crabapple tree at my parents' house my whole life, and never did anything with them.
ReplyDeleteSo my mom took D- and gathered up a bunch of good ones and left them in a bowl on the table, while she looked for a doable recipe somewhere.
Mama Dawg: It must be that mind meld we've got going on. We've got to find a way to exploit it.
i haven't thought about crabapples in years. my mother used to make yummy crabapple jelly, i think eating them raw gives you a belly ache. at least that's what she warned us, so then i never tried.
ReplyDeleteI think she had you guys suckered good. Or maybe she meant if you ate them all.
ReplyDeleteEither way, M- didn't seem to suffer any ill effects.
I've got to try this jelly now, after all these raves.
Ah see I never told her I was offering her babysitting services so that you could devote more time to enabling my addiction... Until now, it may elicit a comment from her, haha!
ReplyDeleteSafe so far-- maybe she'll buy my sob story!
ReplyDelete