16 January 2008

10 reasons my 3-year-old son may be homosexual

Like most fathers (says I), I have been forced now and then to consider whether my son may turn out to be homosexual. I figure I may as well brace myself for the revelation, should it ever come. Not that there's anything wrong with it, of course. I just don't want to have to have that kind of talk with him when he gets to a certain age.

For your amusement, here are 10 reasons why my 3-year-old son may be a homosexual [see 10 reasons he may not be]:

1. He is unusually empathetic.

2. When he was 1, he had a months-long obsession with a horrendously girly romance novel my wife left laying around. He would sit somewhere and read it (right side up or otherwise) frequently during the day and keep it next to his pillow when sleeping.

3. He's a pretty good dancer, at least for a three-year-old. The Dance Class Fiasco will be another post.

4. Probably based solely on the relative intensity and vocalization regarding my wife's versus my favorite colors, he has for a long time selected pink as his favorite color.

5. He really likes purses. A lot.

6. He spent a few days recently declaring he was "an evil queen", defying my pointed questions as to whether or not he was actually an evil king.

7. He's extremely neat for a three-year-old.

8. All signs have thus far pointed to his being very into dolls. Before you ask, yes, he was into dolls even before his sister came around.

9. He has always greatly enjoyed the story of Cinderella. He originally asked to be read it based on the cover, and the fact that it was A Book, but then he began asking for it by name, and we had to read it (with the required Sense of Timeless Wonder voice) many, many times. I thought it might become his Next Big Thing, until shuffling it towards the back of his hundreds of books broke the cycle of obsession. This year, though, he noticed that J- has the movie on DVD, and he actually sat quietly through the whole movie. Hmmm.

10. My wife has helped me appreciate way too many chick flicks for me to be an entirely pure role model. As it is, my very broad musical tastes incorporate quite a few embarrassingly sappy and girly songs along with the classic rock, hard-core rap, and everything else I've been known to listen to and even sing along with. Of course, I try my best to make catching me doing this be as easy as mugging a leprechaun.

I may just have to settle for metrosexuality.

30 comments:

SherE1 said...

Hilarious! I'm already seeing signs of #4, #5 and #8 so far at age 9 months old! At least I know that I'm not alone in this world. =)

Mrs. B. Roth said...

My husband has similar concerns for our poor boy ... it's all my fault.

http://mrsbroth.blogspot.com/2008/02/in-order-to-not-gay-up-boy.html

LiteralDan said...

Yes indeed, I figured I must not be the only one to weigh the issue-- maybe we should gather a few hundred more people to start a giant hilarious club to embarrass our kids later in life

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Absolutely common (and very funny). My husband, too, had these "concerns." Needless to say, my husband was especially thrilled when Kyle announced that he had a girlfriend (and another, and another, and another...) :)

LiteralDan said...

Yeah I have a feeling my son may be quite involved with the ladies soon. He's too pretty for his own good!

Fiesty Charlie said...

My darling daughter is 2.5 and is so very straight already! She has told me she is getting married and having 3 kids.

The bottom line is this, I don't care what she is, or who she is with, as long as they respect her, love her and treat her like the little princess I know her to be...

LiteralDan said...

I feel the same way about both my kids. That's funny your daughter is so sure about life at 2. Does she know what job she'll have?

Rikki said...

I thought about this post today.

My kids had Happy Meals for lunch and my 4 year old son CHOSE princess gloves and a ring.

The lady at McDonalds looked at him like he was on crack. He was pretty firm about it. He wanted the damn gloves.

I think it is cute. Pretty soon he will lose that innocence and go straight for the 'boy' toys.

LiteralDan said...

Princess gloves and a ring? What was that promoting, I wonder?

People do get weirded out by violations of whatever they consider strict gender rules. It's kinda fun, sometimes. But like you say, I'm sure he will indeed soon reject anything that is not Manly (boyly?) as determined by himself and his peers. Oh well

Robin said...

I had those concerns about my oldest son (who is now 18) when he was a toddler. We had a few nail polish and high heel incidents for which his father just about about passed out with panic. Those days are long gone now. These days he has a girlfriend and does all those dumb things teenage boys do..lol.

Honestly sometimes I miss those 'dress up' days, knowing that was all I had to worry about at that moment. Too many things to worry about with him now!

PS. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Pop in anytime!

LiteralDan said...

I think it's funny to see the things we are all taught vs. what's inborn, by watching what kids think it acceptable or not an issue. It makes me laugh-- I could probably come up with a whole other list for both sides of this question. All in fun!

I try to give myself perspective on toddler problems by relishing the control I have over him now. We'll have a lot of the same problems again when he's a teenager, but then I can't pick him up and sit him down somewhere. Living across from a junior high school helps this effort...

Kori said...

Just going through some of your older posts and this one struck my eye-because my NINE year old still likes to put on his sister's prmo dresses and heels and dance around. Oh, well, could be worse, right?

LiteralDan said...

Yep, could be worse for sure.

Still, you should take plenty of pictures, because you'll need that kind of incriminating evidence for bribery in a few years.

mommastantrum said...

You are safe. Mine (who is 4) demands nail polish. PINK POLISH any time we are going somewhere fancy. It irritates my husband to no end. I don't care, I mean whatever floats your boat dude...

LiteralDan said...

Pink nail polish definitely wins. Maybe he likes it because he thinks it's funny to watch his Daddy grit his teeth and twitch (the same way I would, I'm sure).

I agree with you-- who knows what will make them happy now versus later. There's only so much you can control in life, right?

Sally HP said...

HA! I think every parent runs through this list, but you're the first to put it out there..love it!

LiteralDan said...

Yeah, it's an amusing pasttime, though since I put this list out there it hasn't gotten much longer.

Glad you liked it!

mylitlbratz said...

This is my first visit to your blog. Your very funny and thought provoking!

While my son was growing up several family members used to comment on how he was a mama's boy, cried easily, and had a girly voice. Some said he was going to be gay. This used to piss me off. How dare these idiots judge my son and label him, with any label. He is now 14 and has proven beyond a doubt that he is not gay. Did I every worry that he would be gay? No!!! My only worries as a parent are that my children grow up happy and healthy!!!

LiteralDan said...

I'll drink to that! It will be a great day when everyone just moves on to the really important things in life.

I'm glad you've enjoyed your visit-- welcome!

muskrat said...

Funny! We live in a very gay neighborhood--male couples on both sides of our house and across the street--so we're wondering what the influence will be when our son is born in a few weeks. Of course, our future son's dad already gets inquiries like this, because of his having more shoes than his Mom (and more expensive). And, he likes to sing karaoke at the gay bar down the street on Saturday night after his college football team has won. But that's where the similarities stop.

LiteralDan said...

Boy, you aren't kidding when you say Very Gay. But that's awesome-- you must have some great stories coming out of that neighborhood.

I'm working on a followup to this post that you might like-- keep an eye out for it to appear whenever I'm able to finish it.

James Palmer said...

I was so happy to read your post! Today, my son wore a dress home from preschool--a preschool where my wife also happens to teach. Now, I am a pretty enlightened guy and I consider myself very much to the left-of-center but I'll admit that I couldn't hide my irritation when I picked him up. I feel like I have dealt with everything else, up to this point, with tolerance and patience. The Snow White obsession, the little plastic dress up shoes, the dresses at school. I don't know... I thought I was doing great with all of it. But today, my wife noticed my reaction and let me have it. As she rightly pointed out, she has been a preschool teacher for over 15 years and she knows it's all perfectly normal. I guess I am just a closeted knuckle dragger... Anyway, I am learning and I know it's all just about their exploring and us, as parents, supporting that I guess. Anyway, thanks for the post! I get the feeling a lot of dads have the same thing going on...

LiteralDan said...

Dress wearing is probably a bit farther than I would be comfortable with, too. You gotta look out for the kid's future! He might never forgive you if there are pictures.

Reinvent Dad said...

LOL, my triplet 4-year old son (the only boy in the family) wants a monster truck for Christmas so I'm feeling pretty good right now. Anytime he's asked to wear nail polish or a dress, we've just said that mostly girls wear them and he understands.

LiteralDan said...

He's got to feel pretty left out-- you'll probably be dealing with that all the way until he's about 14. Poor guy

Anonymous said...

What is WRONG with you!? Jus cuz ur kid walks with a purse and plays with his dolls doesnt mean he is gay...
I have little cousins who are 5 who i cought touchin ea others penis's. Im pretty sure ur kid isnt gay neither are my cousins. Kids grow out of it. ALL kids do. So did I...
I used to do tht stuff too and i remember doing it cu zi have ood memory, RELAX dont sweat it cuz most likely its goin to pass...

LiteralDan said...

Wow. Can you even see the point flying so far over your head?

If not, grab a pair of binoculars, because I assure you it's up there, and it's spectacular.

David said...

I wouldn't worry in the least about the business of wearing a dress home from pre-school. He probably just saw the pope on the news.

Silindile Ntuli said...

Ha ha ha I love this post... I think you kid has taste, and maybe he's the next Matilda (that kid was smart and read addvanced biiks), relax, you have a winner on your hands. Sounds to me like you'll have a neat teenager walking around the house one day, a teenager with taste and class.

apartments in dubai said...

My cousin brother had same signs when he was a kid. He used to wear girl's clothes and used cosmetic as well till age of 7. But now he is normal. I think your son will also be alright with time. So don't worry about it and don't think that he will be homosexual.