29 September 2010

Amusing searches, Vol. 11

Here are more of the most amusing searches that have brought people here, offering me yet another opportunity to employ my superpowers of Mockery and Sarcasm.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)

escort woman says "you look handsome" (Cumberland, RI) - Escort woman then says, "I have to charge you extra for compliments." Sorry, champ.

reasons a 3 year old might not talk (Cambridge, OH) - Well, to make light of your understandably vexing problem, now that I'm on my second 3-year-old, I gotta say I haven't come upon a single reliable reason so far. Even unconsciousness.

Still hoping one will come along, though, for at least a few minutes at a time.

homosexual sons of stay at home fathers (Plymouth, MA) - You do know I was kidding, right?

pinworm potty (Kuching, Malaysia) - Boy, that really makes me just wanna hold it forever.

things that I don't like doing (Mumbai, India) - I came up in this search of yours??   .....frowny face.

what is the worst smelling diaper (Knoxville, IL) - That's kind of a philosophical question, so I'll give you a philosophical answer: the one you're changing right now. (Closely followed by that one you changed a couple days ago, wherever it may now be rotting.)


unmitigated me said...

I'm sure there are some really sincere Escort Women out there, who really DO think he's handsome. There's always a "hooker with a heart of gold" in the movies.

Mary said...

I am trying to picture someone typing these searches. I want pictures of who types in "escort woman says "you look handsome". Does he have an inflatable doll next to him as he types?

Irish Gumbo said...

Compliments fall into the category of "Additional Services"...it's right there in the contract. Or so I've heard...

Irrational Dad said...

I have learned, this week, that poop in the potty is exponentially more "worst smelling" than ANY diaper I've ever smelled.

Father Knows (Travis) Best said...

The worst diapers are the ones that somehow, in the heat of a particularly harried moment, get left in the garage — especially when you happen to be part of a cloth-diapers family. This is when being an incredible "Rock Paper Scissors" practitioner comes in particularly handy.