This is the kind of urgent question that cannot wait until it's not the middle of the night to ask of The Internet.
This evening, close to midnight, we were shocked to discover an intruder in the house that may be either a bat or some kind of darting swift or swallow. It didn't stop panickedly swooping toward my indefensibles long enough for me to get a good look at it before finding a safe enough nook in which to plot its revenge.*
So, after several fruitless hours of searching, the question I have for you all is this:
Which one of us will wake up with this thing on our face?
It's kind of important that we know this as soon as possible. Please share your educated hypothesis** in the comments.
* And J- couldn't see much from under the blanket, where she was, quote, "Protecting the baby."
** Additionally, I suppose, you could answer by telling us who will never wake up after this thing was on our faces?