Future careers of my daughter's preschool class

At the preschool graduation for my daughter's school yesterday (as an underclasswoman, she was just there for moral support, I guess), the teachers announced to the gym each graduate's answer to the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Here are some of their actual answers:

1. Race car driver

2. Doctor

3. Batman

4. Teacher

5. Police officer/Firefighter

6. Army guy

7. Dentist

8. Spider-Man

9. A doctor AND a teacher*

10. A Mommy

I'm pretty sure that last one was planted, to squeeze a few extra tears out of the audience. Nevertheless, I noted a distinct lack of willing candidates for Equally Necessary Jobs like the following:

1. Systems analyst

2. Septic tank cleaner

3. Telemarketer

4. Import/export facilitator

5. Cat burglar

6. Lounge singer/DJ

7. Local politician

8. Hustler

9. Tabloid photographer

10. Racehorse euthanizer

I hope most of these kids are headed for a junior high epiphany resulting in a slight change of career path, because otherwise we may be facing a hell of a lot of very bitter, disillusioned telemarketers/gravediggers.

---

* This one's the kid who couldn't decide if he should go for impressing the chicks or kissing up to the teacher, so he went for both. Sounds like the winner to me!

A conversation with D-: Precious moments

Because he just can't stop providing material, here's another (more groundbreaking than usual) recent conversation with my 5-year-old son D-:

D-: Why don't you get a Real job?

Me: As opposed to what?

D-: You know... (scrambling now) ...instead of just typing things for people and stuff. A Real Job like being a fireman or building things, or working in a factory or something. A job where you use your muscles to work hard and then you get stronger than you are now... you know? A Real Job like that.

Me: (blank look)

D-: ...Like how when I grow up, I'm going to work throwing dynamite at rocks (referring to an earlier conversation during our drive home from Maine). Something like that.

---

You may enjoy my previous D- conversations, (2YO daughter) M- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.

10 ways work differs from home

After spending last week working outside my home for the first time in over a year (I most recently spent many months working from home before leaving that job last November), it's only natural that I was bombarded with observations on the differences from my now-typical work week.

Here's a quick list of 10 differences between being paid to work in an office and being unpaid to stay at home with small children:

1. Generally speaking, you must wear shoes the entire day.

2. Unless you happen to be The Boss, you are officially not considered the wisest and most experienced person on the premises.*

3. It's pretty quiet, to the point that you have to repeatedly disabuse yourself of the notion that everyone around you must be up to something truly naughty.

4. Unless you work at the Matchbox Car Testing Facility, you don't get to play with toy cars all afternoon.

5. When people start getting fussy, you can't make them lay down and take a nap.

6. Unless you work as some kind of nurse, you can go eight whole hours without having to help anyone vacate their bladder or bowels, and you don't even have to be ready to clean up if they have trouble trying to do it all by themselves.

7. You can swear, at least once in awhile.

8. You get to eat all of your own food. Not only that, but you can do so without feeling like just maybe you need to be planning a method to dispose of the corpse of what will appear to an outsider to be an emaciated street urchin.

9. The kids might actually be interested in seeing pictures of your co-workers.

10. Unless you really, really need to start checking out the classifieds in earnest, whenever anyone hits you in the balls, they will apologize without any prompting at all.


* Parents of teenagers may have resigned themselves to a conflict of opinions on this particular issue.