19 April 2009

An Easter feast: A story in pictures. And some words.

In honor of Orthodox Easter, my observation of which is in no way merely a thinly veiled excuse to post an Easter-related idea I procrastinated on drafting, here is my commentary on a few noteworthy grocery store items offered in that week's circulars:
Mmmmm... thank God March didn't go out like a lion, cause we'd have a hell of a time find one of those to eat.What better way to celebrate the emergence of vibrant new life than to slaughter and devour an iconic example of it? Count me in!

But maybe a more tasteful, civilized celebration would be to merely pretend to do it:*
Let's just PRETEND to eat a sweet, innocent little lamb!I wonder why they don't offer red velvet cake? Either way, I call half the head!

Well, I'm not going to eat the WHOLE head-- I'm not a pig. Mmmm... pig-shaped cake...

Do we have a holiday where we eat ceremonial pigs? I mean, outside of Hawaii? Or do the rest of us need to get that started "in the interests of cultural diversity and understanding and stuff"?

I bet you a pig cake would taste mighty good made with some of this:
Brownulated sugar... yes, it's a real thing.Sure this was some kind of inside joke of either printers or grocers, I ran to the Internet for verification, only to be disappointed (I think) with the fact that this is a real thing.

"Brownulated sugar" sounds like the kind of nonsense that would spill from my mouth while desperate to win some kind of food-related argument.**

For the record: Brown sugar=Delicious. Brownulated sugar=I fake spontaneous diabetes until I'm clear of any sugar that sounds like someone may have defecated in it.

Happy Orthodox Easter, an impossibly small fraction of my readership!***

Editor's Note: I'm no firebrand vegan or anything near it, in fact I probably lustily enjoy at least 280% of my daily recommended intake of meat and meat products. I just find things like this really amusing.

* While eating some mutton instead? That would at least fit with the symbolism.

** It also calls to mind the classic Simpsons line regarding cafeteria gravy (proudly spoken), "It's just brown and water!"

*** Assuming no one in my neighborhood has started quietly reading my blog.


unmitigated me said...

I only read your blog loud-ly.

Vodka Mom said...

okay, I'm sorry but the brownulated sugar CRACKED ME UP.


CaraBee said...

Brown Sugar IS delicious. Every time I cook with it, I eat a little, okay BIG spoonful. I love it.

Mary said...

Eating the cake version of any animal sounds good.

Jenny Grace said...

So...what is that verb then, "to brownulate?" And what does that mean, exactly....

Goldfish said...

Could you make a pig-shaped cake that tastes like bacon?

Natalie said...

brownulated sugar? what? who comes up with stuff like this? and why wasn't granulated sugar and brown sugar enough? is brownulated sugar dry like regular white sugar? it's all a marketing scheme i tell you! i know. in turkey we had brownulated sugar or white sugar. none of that soft brown stuff. it wasn't necessary. i guess brown is healthier. all it is is sugar mixed with molasses. i know. i've made my own brown sugar before. seriously...crazy!

Zip n Tizzy said...

We do think alike!
My first thought when I saw that lamb was red velvet...Mmm!

Trooper Thorn said...

You can't have a proper Easter dinner without a ham, in my book. And since a ham can be the equivalent size as a cake, it may be considered a pig cake.