In honor of Orthodox Easter, my observation of which is in no way merely a thinly veiled excuse to post an Easter-related idea I procrastinated on drafting, here is my commentary on a few noteworthy grocery store items offered in that week's circulars:
What better way to celebrate the emergence of vibrant new life than to slaughter and devour an iconic example of it? Count me in!
But maybe a more tasteful, civilized celebration would be to merely pretend to do it:*
I wonder why they don't offer red velvet cake? Either way, I call half the head!
Well, I'm not going to eat the WHOLE head-- I'm not a pig. Mmmm... pig-shaped cake...
Do we have a holiday where we eat ceremonial pigs? I mean, outside of Hawaii? Or do the rest of us need to get that started "in the interests of cultural diversity and understanding and stuff"?
I bet you a pig cake would taste mighty good made with some of this:
Sure this was some kind of inside joke of either printers or grocers, I ran to the Internet for verification, only to be disappointed (I think) with the fact that this is a real thing.
"Brownulated sugar" sounds like the kind of nonsense that would spill from my mouth while desperate to win some kind of food-related argument.**
For the record: Brown sugar=Delicious. Brownulated sugar=I fake spontaneous diabetes until I'm clear of any sugar that sounds like someone may have defecated in it.
Happy Orthodox Easter, an impossibly small fraction of my readership!***
Editor's Note: I'm no firebrand vegan or anything near it, in fact I probably lustily enjoy at least 280% of my daily recommended intake of meat and meat products. I just find things like this really amusing.
* While eating some mutton instead? That would at least fit with the symbolism.
** It also calls to mind the classic Simpsons line regarding cafeteria gravy (proudly spoken), "It's just brown and water!"
*** Assuming no one in my neighborhood has started quietly reading my blog.