17 April 2009

Orangutan Lohan flees to Indonesia

In the latest monkey/ape news, scientists just discovered a large, healthy population of orangutans in Indonesia, on the slope of a mountain where it's too unprofitable to try to extract the valuable timber. For now.

New orangutan population found in Indonesia

But what's most interesting to me is this bit:


The team also encountered an adult male, which angrily threw branches as they tried to take photos.

Apart from the fact that the author should have used "who" instead of "which", in my opinion, my second thought is that it's quite possible that this "unknown population" is actually some kind of rehab resort for celebrity orangutans.

The Lindsay Lohans and Britney Spearses of the lower-primate world retreat to this secret colony whenever their life of privilege and nigh-unlimited options gets to be too much for them.

Angry Orangutan flipping the birdsAnd how else should they deal with intruding photographers? Is an orangutan really any better than Sean Penn? I mean, in terms of this kind of thing, not emotional range or personal hygiene.

Maybe some of these specimens are better than any orangutan ever at throwing feces for distance or accuracy, or maybe they have the most impressive and sexually irresistible creepy face pouches.

Photo of orangutan courtesy of metro.co.ukI think the only course of action is clear, regardless of the relative fame or social status of this elite group of primates-- we must document every single second of their lives, no matter how mundane or disturbing, and no matter the effect on their sanity.

Now who's got a durable camera and a good, feces-resistant raincoat? I've got some quick cash to make!

7 comments:

Another Suburban Mom said...

Very funny observations. I am sure that many of the orangutans are better behaved than some of the people I work with.

Middle Aged Woman said...

That is a freaky-ass picture, LiteralDan.

cIII said...

OK, Dan.

I've the fella from E on line one, and a lady from Inside Edition on hold.

You grab the camera.

As far a feces is concerned; that shit (no pun intended) don't bother me. I've a Toddler that pulls a Reverse Linda Blair every night.

We're gonna be rich.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

"Who" not "which," but not "whom," because it was subjective, not objective? Right?

But wait, we seem to disagree about whether the comma goes inside the close quotation mark or not ... could you double check that one for me?

Mrs. B. Roth said...

Hey, is that monkey double flipping off the camera? Geez, some people's monkeys ...

LiteralDan said...

Yes, the orang is flipping off the camera, though whether he means to or not is debatable.

As for the quotes, I go against the grain round these parts in leaving them where they belong, outside the quotes, except in the case of a spoken clause/sentence.

So something like, "I like nitpicking," Dan said, would have the comma inside, but something like "this", for example, would have it outside.

I reiterate, this is where it belongs. American grammar simplification is pushing to have it otherwise, but that is incorrect and nonsensical.

We don't need blanket black-and-white rules for everything-- the world itself is nuanced!

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