21 November 2009

Working undercover as a scatterbrain

If you've been wondering for the past few months why I haven't been stopping by your blog anymore, fearing it was a devastating social rejection by the coolest person you know,* worry not. It wasn't, and what's more, you're not alone.

Yes, the now-two-and-a-half-month process of trying to buy a house out in the country has been sucking up my time as hard as... the now-two-and-a-half-month process of trying to buy a house out in the country.

To clarify, when I say "a house", I don't mean, "any house", I mean one specific house, for which we officially signed a contract over two months ago.

My life has been a long, tortuous series of ups and downs, brokers and insurers, negotiations and extensions, approvals and denials, and disclosures and contingencies. Did I forget to mention forced humility?

Yes, I sympathize with my invisible sisters, the stay-at-home moms sitting on the sidelines while The Wage Earners sign paperwork to buy themselves cool stuff like cars and houses, which they'll share with us only at their pleasure. Or, at least, that's how the lenders would have us all see it.

Doesn't rescuing many thousands of dollars a year of my wife's salary count as my income, for all intents and purposes? Or how about my dozens of dollars a month in blog-related revenue? Maybe I'll just let my friend Mr. Washington negotiate with these people for me, to smooth my path back to legitimacy in the eyes of society.

Hey, let me tell you, I can always spare a couple of ad clicks (a.k.a. a week's salary) for such a noble, self-interested cause.

Anyway, I offer this page as proof of my blogging-slacking-off claims. For my (surely) dozen or so stalkers out there: you're welcome.

And for the rest of you, please accept my awkward apologies, aw-shucks expression, and pathetic groveling for forgiveness. If, in the recent past or in the coming days, I don't seem to acknowledge some major change in your life, it's just because I probably didn't read or hear about it yet, but rest assured I feel far more guilty for that than you or your devoutly Catholic grandmother could ever try to make me.

Just fill me in on what I might have missed!



* I mean me. You don't perceive it by any normal human senses or your logic-processing faculties, but I am in fact extremely cool. Kind of like discovering that light is a series of particles that move in waves, you have to totally adjust your perspective to see a brand-new, mind-bending reality. See how cool I am already?

8 comments:

Muskrat said...

Good luck! We will likely be in the same boat in a few months, as we try to convince a bank that 2 self-employed people can pay a mortgage.

Middle Aged Woman said...

I do all my scatterbrain work right out in the open. Saves awkward questions later.

IB said...

Having been through the house-buying nightmare several times I feel for you. It offers much stress and humiliation. In that respect it is like buying a car, being a parent, being an employee, being a spouse- just being an adult. It kinda sucks, don't it?

People in the Sun said...

It's like that with us, but luckily we got our car when I was still working and we don't have house-buying plans. I did try to apply for a credit card recently, which caused all credit agencies reps to stand around me in a circle and laugh.

Bad Momma said...

I am glad to see I'm not the only one slacking on my blog.

Good luck with the house! Post some pictures when your ordeal is over.

The Mayor said...

Educated, married mother of 6.

My husband is a sales exec who has traveled during most of our lives.He has ZERO responsibility at home. At school they don't even believe I'm married, I have to sit in the divorced parents section. Pediatrician has never met him.

Do I feel like I EARNED half our income...hell to the yes...and more.

I've bought cars, appliances, you name it on my own. I go to ATT to discuss my own phone bill...no can do...not on the account.

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

Dude, if you don't like my blog, just tell me. I'll try not to be offended. Making up a big story about being busy, and it's not just my blog, and that you're sorry? Well, that's just cowardly.

I've been trying to hammer away at my Google Reader, but this damned NaBloPoMo thing is kicking my ass. I'm tempted to just "mark all as read".

Mrs4444 said...

Don't worry; you haven't missed much. Let me know if you're wondering about anything specific, but really, it's nothing earth-shattering.

I forgive you. Good luck with the house stuff!