Indisputable facts, Vol. 2

Here are more indisputable facts from the long list kept by the world's ultimate authority:

1. It's nearly impossible to support a family of four on a teacher's salary, particularly when that salary was agreed to by the worst union in the history of human society.

2. Kids are incapable of wearing a hooded garment without putting on the hood, regardless of weather or any other potentially dissuading factors.

3. I need to make some changes in my life.

4. If I were to get rid of every item in my house that has gotten inappropriate bodily fluids on it at some point or other, I would have very few personal belongings left. And definitely nowhere to sit.

Indisputable facts, Vol. 1

The following is a list of indisputable facts, according to the ultimate authority:

1. If you have to wonder whether the water you're wringing out of a ruined basement carpet is composed even partially of sewage, you may as well just stop wondering. It will only make the carrying of the giant, dripping rolls to the garbage less pleasant.

2. It is inadvisable to allow a four-year-old to put his finger in your mouth, especially if you have not personally washed his hands thoroughly within the last 13 seconds.

3. In the entire history of their existence, car alarms have never served any purpose other than to go off at inopportune times and irritate the s*** out of everyone, a group which most importantly includes myself.

4. Vin Diesel's best movie is still The Iron Giant.

5. I have a problematic compulsion to shave the world down to multiples of five.