11 February 2009

Developments at our house, Vol. 12

Here are more of the latest developments around here:

1. I've discovered that no matter how tasty a mangled Fannie May Buttercream found at the bottom of a box of Christmas toys looks, it should not be eaten a month after Christmas. Hint: It's no longer at all "creamy".

2. Recently, someone arrived here at the blog via the search "top reason to wash my hands". The top reason to wash your hands? How about so I can feel confident that you're paying enough attention to the many undesirable things your hands do and touch in a given day that I don't have to start retreating entirely from handshakes like Howie Mandel. I'd look as ridiculous giving everyone a Terrorist Fist Jab as I would having my head completely shaved.*

3. I found that if you're going to walk away from your two-year-old on the toilet, for the sake of your heart's health, it's best to remember upon returning that you had given her a down payment on her chocolate chip reward.

4. After gazing upon my bare chest at the breakfast table one morning, my daughter M- pointed and asked, "What's that nipple for?" Like the rest of humanity throughout history, I had to admit that I have no idea.



* This is apparently the chosen method of my subconscious to let me know that I think Howie Mandel is ridiculous inside and out. Who knew? I don't even watch his show.

20 comments:

MamaNeena said...

Re: #4

Is it the age or the fact that he's a boy? Because my son recently asked the exact same thing about his own nipples. I, too, gave him the exact same answer.

Maybe I should have told him it's for piercing in his teenage years, but I'm afraid he's too literal for that one!

Middle Aged Woman said...

#3 paints a very vivid picture.

Mary said...

And the consequences of no treat after the toilet is .........? Hard to picture a Fannie May cream being anything less than delicious. But I don't want to discuss that right after talking about the toilet training. Somehow it's distasteful.

Kat said...

A list of less than 5?

flutter said...

my fiance always says that nipples on men are equivalent to hair on fish.

Goldfish said...

My son calls them "nibbles." Truly don't want to pursue that.

Miss Grace said...

It is physically possible for men to breastfeed yknow.

People in the Sun said...

1. I don't know about their chocolate, but I love their mortgage loans.

2. Did you see his new show? It's like candid camera, only with idiots. And about a million people in the audience. I swear. One million people.

nonna said...

wow. i had no idea howie was OCD and all that. hmmm where have i been?

oh, and the terrorist-fist-jab yeah uh we do that every freakin time somebody shoots in darts. i hate it just because it doesn't matter if you did good or totally sucked. here comes the fist bump. oh, and then some ppl still do a high five so then you're trying to figure out which one to do and always slapping a fist or fisting a palm...so stupid...

Ali said...

My boys used to love Deal or No Deal and then they would run around the house asking, "Butts or No Butts?" Don't ask.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

My 5 year old saw her (overweight) uncle without a shirt on, and told him his boobies were even bigger than her mommy's, even though she knew they didn't have "boobie milk" since he's a boy and can't have babies.

I think maybe I've taught my child a little too much.

Rikki said...

One of our favorite sayings is "useless as tits on a bull".

Yeah, we're classy.

Mrs4444 said...

Absolutely hilarious; loved all of these updates!

Momo Fali said...

#3 - Ew.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

Yeah, a Dan list should have five, I'm feeling a little uncomfortable, anxious even, without five items. Can you make another post tomorrow and every day after that? No? Busy living life? Well, sucks. Miss ya.

Mia Watts said...

Alas, cannot provide hate mail as requested. Stay at home dad is a curiosity I had not considered. Unfortunately, do not possess either a Mr. nor small humans. Hm. Is my kind welcome here?

Zip n Tizzy said...

I'm thinking you would have felt very much at home here yesterday while the boys and I were crawling around on the floor picking up (and eating) a box of spilled chocolate covered sunflower seeds.

Does that sound like something you can relate to?
Because this list sounds very familiar to me.

beth said...

So you couldn't tell him the nipples are for tortureous foreplay later in life?!

Kori said...

Who was the one up there who said her son calls them nibbles? Yeah. My middle son went through a stage of calling them "tips and nibbles." Like a strange combo of dog food and braised beef tips. Nice.

Mama Dawg said...

Ummmm...why only ask about one nipple? Do you only have one? If so, post a pic. That would be awesome.

I bet you don't miss me, do you?