To continue my court-ordered hours of community service, I'm here today to offer any future parents out there a helpful glimpse into the life that awaits them, this time in the form of the kind of surreal conversations you can expect to have several times a day.
Note: The lines of my 2-year-old daughter M- here can be read with a tone similar to that of Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.
M- (apropos of nothing, heading for a toilet break during breakfast): I like ducks.
Me (not yet awake enough to offer a more dynamic response): Good... They're nice.
M-: I need to wash my handseseses... (looking up from her hands) Gaaannngsterrrr. A "gangster" is a bad-guy. [Thanks, Tintin.]
Me: Yep. (picks a piece of oatmeal from her hair and flicks it into the bathroom garbage)
M- (with panicked outrage): Why did you throw my hair clip into the garbage?!?!?!
Me: ???!!!?!?
In her defense, oatmeal does tend to function as her most effective hairclip, staying in place for days at a time between baths.
Editor's Notes:
• "Not yet awake enough to offer a more dynamic response" should probably be my life's motto, and tattooed somewhere visible on my body.
• Congratulations to my sister Katie, who graduates from the great University of Illinois this weekend, joining my wife in the ranks of America's educators.
You may enjoy my previous M- conversations, (5YO son) D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.
8 comments:
Very cute! Its amazing how kids can go from one topic to the next at a speed that will give most adults whiplash.
It also makes for a great snack later in the day.
I always KNEW you were secretly a gangster!
I am having major hair issues these days-ever since Owen got too old to fling food and I haven't had to style with oatmeal. Methinks I should start using it again. Just holds so much better than aqua-net plus has the added benefits of no flourocarbons. Win-win, really.
I was gonna be all like...awww...kids can be so random.
But, then I realzed I am totally craving a corndog with mustard.
:)
Hey, LiteralDan?
I like penguins.
You should tattoo it on your neck! Unless I tattoo it on my neck first, and steal your tattoo. It's like stealing your baby name, only worse.
God, I'm behind on my reading.... My 4-yo swears that Cream of Wheat makes better hair gel than oatmeal. But liquid handsoap is the best of all. He's vain like that.
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