02 September 2009

Tropical Storm "Douche"

As Mexico braced itself for the impact of Hurricane Jimena, American assholes everywhere remained steadfastly unconcerned:

Category 4 hurricane threatens Mexico's west coast


But with the weather still mild Sunday, Jim Patterson, a tourist from Big Bear Lake, California, could not muster up much concern.

"Are you saying it would be a good idea to stock up on tequila?" he joked at a seaside restaurant. "No fear. I've been through tornados* and earthquakes and everything else, but never a hurricane."


This is Mexico we're talking about-- why hasn't somebody kidnapped this guy yet? Or does he walk the streets unthreatened because even 2-peso hoods can tell no one would ever pay a ransom for this jerkoff?

If I send THREE pesos down thataways, do you think somebody would kidnap him just to tie him to a post down at the docks for the duration of the storm, with a SMITE ME sign posted over his head?



* Supposed to be spelled tornadoes, of course. But the Associated Press has an image to maintain, after all. Just think of the disaster if they set our expectations for basic copy editing too high!

9 comments:

Kat said...

*snicker* You get em Dan!

CK Lunchbox said...

See, this is why I believe in natural selection.

This guy would've fit right in around these here parts when Ike came rolling through.

Mama Dawg said...

SMITE ME?

That's the best you could come up with? Or it it just that it's easier to see two words instead of the whole paragraph the guy really deserves?

Badass Geek said...

So you're not a fan of AP, are you?

Middle Aged Woman said...

Ron White has a terrific bit about just this kind of ass:

It isn't THAT the wind is blowin'...

It's WHAT the wind is blowin'....

Renee said...

Ew, this guy is not my favorite. I hope he gets knocked in the brain by a tequila bottle. Hurrucane, or otherwise.

Sally HP said...

I linked to this post over on my blog...what an asshole!

Sally HP said...

I linked to this post over on my blog...what an asshole!

A Free Man said...

Statistically speaking, 73% of people are dickheads.