20 June 2008

Classic quotes, Vol. 4

Here are some more typical lines heard from our family recently:

Me (to M-): Please keep your feet out of my cereal.

D- (referring to a picture of a gear): THAT'S not a gear, and I know all about it, so... (shooting me a look plainly stating that I'm mentally retarded and that's all there is to it)

M- (pointing to picture of Hillary Clinton): Guy... guy! (Not sure whether that would make HRC happy or sad-- I mean, gender may not matter in the end, but still...)

D-: M-, you have to share-- that's the only law. Daddy and Momma make the laws, so...

J-: Instead of a bird feeder, someday can we put up a bird scarer?? (For some reason, she's not a fan of birds, at least up close.)

Me (to D- in a particularly gross men's room): Please try not to splash in the puddles of urine. (while adjusting his feet)

D- (to M-, going through all of his ViewMaster slides): Noooooooooooo... for sakes, God.

J- (to D-): Put it away! (I'll leave this one to your imagination.)

Me (possibly about to chloroform a 4-year-old in timeout): Stop the fake coughing, now! You're going to rupture something.

D- (abruptly shouting at M-, not even remotely calmly, after I told both kids to calm down): Calmdown!!

J-: There was a weird jumping spider on the table, but (looking over at the eagerly listening kids, unintentionally adopting a tone sounding for all the world like a mafia hitwoman) I uh... took care of it.

Me (lecturing M-): You bite food, you do not bite people.

12 comments:

Kristin H. said...

Classic conversation with the children. I found your blog via Kori. Just stopped by to say hello.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Do you keep a notepad in your pocket, or do you just have an insanely good memory? I WISH I could remember half of the funny stuff that gets said around my house!

Come on over to my place, and enter to win some FREE CHOCOLATE! For you OR your lovely wife.

http://blog.sweetlifesite.com

MamaNeena said...

Tell your Mrs. that I completely understand the 'put it away' statement!

SherE1 said...

"...for sakes, God" - love it! I'm gonna use that one from now on!

Mrs. B. Roth said...

As a bonus for being a stay at home dad, as opposed to a stay at home mom
(with a newborn) HOPEFULLY you'll never hear "you're leaking again."

Kori said...

I really should be writing some of ours down, too...I love the "for sakes..." one!

Manager Mom said...

If you find a bird scarer, let me know where to buy one.

Ann(ie) said...

ha! For sakes, God. I love it. And you bite food not people will come in handy around here. I'll have to steal it!!

mommastantrum said...

Instead of "put it away" we often use "no one wants to see THAT' (unfortunately more than anyone should have to I might add.) Also there is often no need to write this stuff down, it is always going on and being said and like those horrible viral songs you cannot get it out of your head, for sakes, God!

LiteralDan said...

Kristin H.: Thanks for coming by, and feel free to stop by anytime!

Andrea's Sweet Life: Mostly the latter, but often the former as well. I try to record something that strikes me as soon as I can-- I've forgotten my share of good material in the past.

Mmmm... chocolate.

MamaNeena: Oh, don't we all. But then, it's such a fun toy! Or so it seems...

SherE1: D- will expect $1 mailed to him for every usage-- he's very interested in money these days.

Mrs. B Roth: Yeah, if I hear that one, I'm definitely calling the hospital.

Kori: And here I thought it might not translate into print-- everyone seems to love that one!

Manager Mom: Roger that, ma'am. My wife saw your comment and felt vindicated for her negative feelings towards nature's perfect little angels.

Ann(ie): It comes up quite often around here-- good to know we're not alone.

mommastantrum: I respectfully submit that I think we have to deal with the flashings way more than anyone else in the world. Well, flashings and grabbings combined, for sure-- it's nature's pocket!

Maybe we should start keeping logs and form some kind of world competition. What the prize would be, I have no idea.

Birdie said...

You're family log is really funny Mr. D.

LiteralDan said...

They try their best, Ms. B, but I still have to keep whipping them into shape so I have enough material to keep this up for awhile.