28 August 2008

Momma's lieutenant

You know, I could pad this out by going on and on, beating around the bush by saying the same thing several different ways and not taking the time to edit at least half of them out before clicking Publish, as I am wont to do, but I think one paragraph* is really all that's needed:

I've decided that it says something important about my current lifestyle that at only 19 months old, M- has already been pressed to develop the ability to say something as complex as, "Eyem hun-gree! ... Wanna eat somethin', Daddy. ... Ged-dup, Daddy... please! Ged-dup and get food for [M-], please. Ged-DUP!" as she tugs on my hand when I'm just trying to blog in peace.


* Hi there! Welcome to my little hideout-- everyone knows footnotes don't count as part of the body, so I can say whatever I want without regard to my previous statements, common courtesy, or international treaties. I just wanted to note that in true hyper-little-kid form, she said this like so many other things lately almost in one breath, as if time somehow moves more quickly for her than for everyone else, and she'd finally given up asking nicely after 400 human milliseconds.

It's a good thing kids can only starve at the same rate as real people, or my "Dan-minutes"** and I would have gotten me in pretty big trouble long ago.

** I don't think I need to explain how this term came about, but I'll just say that many of my friends, family, and casual acquaintances have bonded deeply while discussing it.

21 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

It's good you can provide this warm, bonding opportunity for your loved ones.

I LIKE the idea of encouraging verbal skills in children by snoring through anything incoherent. No words? No food.

I swear, the more bleary-eyed I am, the longer the verification word is. Below? I got rinjqeqo

Carolyn...Online said...

Dan-minutes. That's funny. We call it Mommy Mean Time which runs about an hour past Greenwich Mean Time.

Christy said...

Do what I do. Just keep a stash of Cheeze-Its next to your computer, and when she comes up to you complaining that she's hungry while you're in your blog trance, you can toss a couple at her. If you just do that most of the day, you may never have to feed her another full meal again. It'll save you money AND you get your blog time--problem solved.

Mama Dawg said...

The question is...did you "ged-DUP" and get her something to eat?

Lola said...

Maybe one of those mini fridges right next to your desk so you can take care of feeding your child while you feed your computer addiction.

Renee said...

Am totally stealing the Cheez-Its idea. Thanks Christy!

I usually rely on "just a minute'. My kids have no concept of minutes now..... HEY! I think I'm on to something. I may have unwittingly discovered the root of your DanSeconds problem. That is, if your mom blogged......

Kori said...

My fave? The bit about kids starving at the same rate as adult people. Will be using that tonight before dinner, thanks!

Mary said...

I can just picture her limp little self in a heap next to you, murmuring get up, get up now, hungry, now, please, thank you, as you keep repeating 'in a minute'. Oh, the humanity. And of course, this is probably an hour after breakfast.

Mary said...

Actually, if she were really as clever as you say, she would bypass you, drag a chair to a known food source such as a cabinet and get it herself. She will thank you one day for teaching her self-reliance.

Shannon said...

I will tell my kids "just give me a minute"... trouble is, now they are getting older. And will come back with "you said that 5 minutes ago!"

Kat said...

Just think of her constant nagging as practice for when she has a husband of her own one day.

The Microblogologist said...

Niecey was working on my training, whenever I did the "in a minute" thing she would go destroy something! Pretty effective method, perhaps she'll be a teacher or drill instructor when she grows up!

Shamelessly Sassy said...

When I tell my daughter I'll do something in a minute, she usually responds, 'NO, you take too many minutes!'

Brittany said...

Whoever said mini fridge? Best idea ever!

Ann(ie) said...

*ahem* I feel a little better. My lil 20 mo old does that to me, too. But, he's not quite as sweet. He just shouts EAT!!!!!!!!

LiteralDan said...

Well, I feel much less alone now-- what a relief! Every time I let something off my chest, you guys are right there to reassure me that you are just as bad as me. Excuse me while I wipe away this single tear of pride.

The mini fridge is indeed a great idea-- I'll have to see if I can convince J- to let me take hers from the classroom. My needs are greater!

Rather than Cheetos, which I would likely devour myself, I've been known to keep a box of some kind of healthy cereal and a cup of water* at the desk for those sudden, inconvenient hunger pangs between meals. I have to have at least a couple noble/snobby things to offset all those other awful, selfish things, don't I?

And as for bitter, seasoned children seeing through the stalling tactics, I have a doctoral student in D-. Sigh... they grow up and see you for the pathetic impostor you are so fast these days!



* That's better than moldy bread crusts and a moistened rag, right, Child Welfare people?

People in the Sun said...

I can't wait for my baby to say stuff like that instead of crying. Although right now he's at a different stage. He wakes up, sits up, and smacks me on the head until I wake up. He thinks it's funny. He's got his daddy's sense of humor, the poor guy.

betteryouthanme said...

On Saturday mornings when I sleep in with my kids crawling on my head and poking things in my eyes, it seems that my daughter is asking for juice every time I come in and out of consciousness, which could be several hundred over an hr an span. I picture her to be saying it continuously and yet, parched and sometimes sallow and dehydrated she makes it till 8:30.
Love the blog! Have been quietly reading it and thought it time to introduce myself. I am a humor columnist/crazy mommy/ crappy wife, who just entered the blog world and am trying to gain a following, one amazing blogger at a time!
http://www.suburbanjungle.net
Let me know what you think.

LiteralDan said...

People in the Sun: I got news for you, man, that's not a different stage-- my kids are over 2 years apart and they are united in their enjoyment of smacking me in the head and such. So in case you were hoping that would stop, and he'd get entirely more sophisticated, I'm here to disappoint you. Sorry.

On a related note, I think you all should go check out this guy's blog, cause it's well-written, unique, interesting, and funny stuff.

betteryouthanme: I think you must have some of my children, by accident. I don't mind, though, as I've got all I can handle right now, so go ahead and hang on to those ones for as long as you like.

I'm glad you decided to say hi! I'm always curious about you silent visitors-- "lurkers" is such an ugly word, and implies that I mind people not commenting. I never used to comment on blogs, myself, so I totally understand it. I'm just happy you've enjoyed reading. I'll be checking out your blog shortly!

Jenny said...

I have a couple corrections for you. I came up as BetterYouThanMe... an old blog that was never used. You can find me at http://www.SuburbanJungle.net.
Also I have never been called a lurker... stalker, yes. But lurker is a new one. I appreciate your quick responce!

ric said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.