10 September 2008

A conversation with J-: The third child

Here is a revealing conversation I recently had with my wife, J-:

J- (using cartoonish parent voice): M-, did you get a treat for making pee on the toilet? Was it chocolate-covered raisins??

Me: No, just a couple chocolate chips.

J-: Then why were there chocolate-covered raisins on the kitchen floor?

Me: That was me... I had an incident.

J-: (rolls her eyes and doesn't even bother asking a follow-up question)

In my defense, she just happened to find the two I had missed picking up (and through some miracle, the kids missed eating) hiding alongside the fridge, so it's not like I just left the whole bag dumped all over the floor.

After all, they're mostly hers and I wouldn't want to call attention to how many I've eaten already.

18 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

I thought this story was headed for the "Did the guinea pig escape again?" territory.

Candid Carrie said...

There is nothing more rewarding than the opportunity to blame children for inappropriately large amounts of missing snacks.

Ah, good times.

MamaNeena said...

It is amazing what parents can get away with when they blame the little ones.

Christy said...

One of the reasons I had kids was so I could blame them for stuff. Duh.

Brittany said...

So glad this didn't head in some icky rodent direction!

Mama Dawg said...

You NAILED that response. Brilliant!

Kat said...

You deserve a treat for making pee on the potty :)

Threeboys1mommy said...

Oh Dan, just buy a Dustbuster already!

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Foiled again by the crack under the fridge!

Mary said...

With your history I really worried that you had a wild rabbit in your place. So at least J didn't pick them up and eat them before talking to you. I don't think I could have gotten to the end of the post with that thought.

Laggin said...

Oh. You are the sort of man who eats his wife's chocolate.

You live on the edge, dude.

The Microblogologist said...

Is -M sick or something?! From how much you starve her she should have caught those chocolate covered raisins before they even hit the floor ;).

Kori said...

Apparently I am the only one who really wants to know why a person (in this case, you) would willingly eat chocolate covered raisins were there a stash of chocolate chips readily available. I am starting to look at you through narrowed eyes, Dan.

Vodka Mom said...

I, too, have found little gifts on my kindergarten carpet. They, however, are not edible.

sarah said...

How are you so sure that those were chocolate covered raisins in the fridge crack.... hmmmmmmmm......

Lola said...

That's what the dogs are for!

Sharon said...

My daily culinary experience is based on food I've eaten off the floor. Sad, but true.

Signed, a new fan!

LiteralDan said...

Middle Aged Woman: No, thank god... J- will thank you for ruining the rest of her bag of chocolate raisins for me, though.

Candid Carrie: Yeah, at some point, you'd think questions would arise as to where all the pounds and pounds of candy they acquire goes. We give them a laughably pitiful cut, but it's for their own good! Unless it backfires and they end up obsessed with it.

MamaNeena: You're preaching to the choir, my friend.

Christy: Can you remember the others? Is it really hard some of these days? Me too.

Brittany: Dude! I already said I won't eat any more of them... you don't have to rub it in and ruin all little chocolate snacks AND all raisins forever. J-, call off your attack dogs!

Mama Dawg: Allow me to take a bow.

Kat: I DO deserve a treat for making pee! Spread the word! Maybe I'll get myself one of those treat dispensers they make for pets, so I don't have to just reach into a bag of candy without any novelty.

Threeboys1mommy: But those things don't run themselves, do they? And Roombas can't fit under the fridge. I'll keep holding out.

Andrea's Sweet Life: That crack and I have had many a battle, but every so often I like to wheel the ol' fridge out just to show it who's boss.

Mary: I think of the four of us, J- is definitely the least likely to pick something up off the floor and eat it, especially without having been responsible for its arrival there.

Laggin: I AM the edge. The chocolate-covered edge. Just don't tell her I said that.

Microblogologist: She wasn't around when I dropped them, hence they remained uneaten. I was swiping a quick handful while the kids were otherwise entertained, and it turns out the bag was torn in an odd way. The rest is history...

Kori: Oh don't get me wrong-- I love me a handful of chocolate chips, but only when mixed with some raisins and/or nuts. Or peanut butter. Mmmmm...

Straight chips, semi-sweet or darker, at least, are just a bit much for me. I'm not wired for it, I guess.

Vodka Mom: As with all gifts, it's the thought that counts, right?

sarah: Oh man, everyone is trying so hard to ruin little brown candies for me!

Thanks, I guess-- I'll assume you all have my best health interests at heart. I'm touched.

Lola: That's one of the things I always miss about not having a dog around. Who needs a compost heap?

Sharon: It's not sad, it's "earthy". A floor is just the world's plate.

Nice to meet you, and glad you consider yourself a fan!