15 December 2008

Another way to offend your wife

Publish a post on your blog describing a tongue-in-cheek statement she wasn't all that happy to hear in the first place, regardless of your helpful illumination of the shades of nuance or explanation of the disparity between your implication and her inference.

An important point to note for you all is that since we're talking about a post-Apocalyptic world, "rare delicacies" include not only rationed foodstuffs but also many simple conveniences and various other consumer goods.

So, I guess what I'm trying to mask in a blur of haughty multisyllabic words and my trademark Byzantine syntax is that rather than merely overstimulate some kind of compulsive eating disorder she certainly doesn't have, in this situation, the point to consider is that my wife would quickly become drunk with power in controlling a world-shaping secret, as much as from deciding who lives comfortably and who rots in the mildewous cavern of her disfavor. Also, I am a dick.

18 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

now THAT made me laugh.

MamaNeena said...

HA! I needed that first thing in the morning.

wheelsonthebus said...

And this is why I don't blog much about my husband.

Christy said...

Um...I'm not sure I understand a word you just said. You're too smart...and apparently your wife agrees (or would she be more likely to say you're a smart ass?!)

Ali said...

"Post-Apocalyptic...implications and inferences...Byzantine syntax." Huh? "I am a dick." Ohhhhh, now I get it:)

Miss Grace said...

What is LiteralDan's role in a post-Apocalyptic world?

Swirl Girl said...

I'd hate to hear an apology for something really bad that you do!

I need a thesaurus just to get through it.

(is this more of that baffling with bullshit stuff?)

nonna said...

and this is why i am glad the hubby doesn't seem the least bit interested in what i am reading or writing all day long.

this also makes me regret teaching him how to surf the net, just in case he does get interested in what i am doing.

Midwest Mom said...

Why do I have the feeling that the only part of your post your wife read with satisfaction was the last sentence?

(BTW, the word 'byzantine' to describe your sentence-structure is, although I am clearly no expert on historical linguistics and am reacting solely on the basis of my initial instinctual responses to that term, hilarious.)

;) - MM

Rikki said...

I understood only the last sentence.

Too hard for Monday. My brain hurts.

Kori said...

I love the last line. Delivered with just the right amount of panache. Well done!

Goldfish said...

Does it take a verbal shovel to dig a hole that deep?

Mary said...

obfuscation seems to be a way around actually apologizing. By the end she may have forgotten why she was upset or she will just want the verbage to stop.

Andrea said...

That's it-I see what you are doing. Confuse us with all of this verbose language and make us feel very, very small.

In a round-about-way, I get it. Especially the last part ;).

J- said...

Well, you sir are so far going in the mildewous cavern of my disfavor, though your last sentences may bring you some small comforts in life... we will have to see if you truly mean it!

Joe said...

You use a lot of big words.

Seriously Mama said...

With a post like this how could you ever get hate mail?

beth said...

Are you aware that the mildewous cavern of her disfavor grows tenfold with the second post?