09 December 2008

One way to offend your wife

I figured it'd be nice to counteract the burgeoning waves of sappiness threatening to spill over here due to my round-the-clock care and constant companionship of my poor, ailing wife for the last two weeks, so I thought I'd offer the husbands out there just one of many clever ways you can offend your wife whenever necessary.

Example Number 1: When taking a pause from reading her copy of a junior high sci-fi novel, such as The City of Ember, turn towards her --doing something sweet and innocent like playing her pink Nintendo DS on the collapsible bed she calls her invalid home-- and lay this truth on her:

"If there was a secret room in our post-apocalyptic world stocked with aisles and aisles of rare delicacies, you'd definitely be the one passed out in the middle of it OD'd on sugar and power."

I'm not sure why my own wife took issue with this earnest observation so strongly, but apparently it's quite a potent weapon to store away somewhere for a rainy day.

17 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

Beware, LiteralDan! For I shall be there to avenge her wasted body!

MamaNeena said...

She might just need to open up a can of whoop-ass!

moose said...

What I want to know is the motivation behind the statement. Tell us, Dan, how do you really feel?

-Chris
Weather Moose

Mrs. B. Roth said...

When my husband acts like a thoughtless, insensitive, jerk, I have learned it is best to try and laugh it off, but if he catches me in the wrong mood ... by Jango ... I aim for the groin - a lesson gleaned from my children; they know where he's vulnerable. Perhaps your wife could enlist the kids to keep you polite until she recovers.

Don't say anything but her beauty, especially if it's getting close to time for the next dose of pain meds.

Ali said...

Those are fighting words right there, mister.

nonna said...

well, since i just have to be a rebel, i'll be on your side dan.

i would have said, i don't know about the power part, but darn straight i'd be od'd on the sugar! honesty never hurt anybody...

...well, unless you're a man and you tell the truth to one of those trick questions like "does this make me look fat" then you just need to duck and cover (your jewels that is)

blissfully caffeinated said...

Well, that is one way to go.

Do we have to be in a post apocalyptic world to have a secret bunker full of delicacies? Or can I get one now?

Always Home and Uncool said...

Wha ...? You called her your "sugar mama." No harm in that.

Miss Grace said...

What? That just...came to you?

Weith Kick said...

Duh! EVERY husband knows not to say that!

King of New York Hacks said...

and you still have extremities? Nice.

Vodka Mom said...

you might need a place to hide. Come one over.

Joe said...

*snort*

I'll send some flowers to your funeral.

Momisodes said...

You sure you want to nurse her back to health so quickly after that?

Allison said...

A pink Nintendo DS? I want one.

The list, btw, is endless.

Father Muskrat said...

Ha! Cut-down contests strengthen marriages.

wheelsonthebus said...

She'll be fighting off my husband to get her hands on the sugar.