In case you're all wondering where Santa has gone now that Christmas has passed, I have some sad news to bring you:
Ho ho ho! Kids share economy woes with Santa*
"You see things behind the beard that nobody else will ever see or hear. I've had children just literally tear my heart out."
So therein lies the end of a long, productive career spreading joy throughout the world... painful death at the hands of some psychotic, bloodthirsty children who've apparently spent too many hours playing Mortal Kombat.
Then again, the tone of this statement suggests an acceptance that only experience can bring. So perhaps this is an annual tradition, like a simple shedding of the skin. Maybe the Easter Bunny drops those eggs in our baskets on his way to deliver the Kiss of Life to kindly old St. Nick each year.
It seems that matchup between Jesus and Santa might be more even than we thought.
* I don't suggest you actually read this article unless you want to feel quite depressed.
Editor's Note: If you enjoyed this forest-missing nitpickery, you might want to peruse Literally, A Web Log.