20 May 2009

I'll just say I'm not home right now

Do you ever feel kinda stupid answering your phone only to hear a recording respond?* They might as well start every one of those messages with, "Ha-ha! Made you say 'hello'! Idiot."

I guess it's better, though, than having an awkward, forced interaction with a real person (courtesy of a misguided corporation) who just pretends to be a robot 8 hours a day.

But anyway, I think it's pretty logical that my next thought is, "How dare some sleazy company give my phone number to The Robots just to save $7.50 an hour from their marketing department's Wasted Money budget?!"

Haven't they ever seen The Terminator? Or Eagle Eye? They almost killed Shia LaBeouf!! And a bunch of kids and stuff. ...And Megan Fox**... or wait, was that Transformers? Either way, the point holds.

I don't think it's fair that, as a rational person, I now have to fear for my life just because I once expressed an interest in finding out whether GEICO could actually save me any money on my car insurance. (Answer: Not at all. But that's probably just because of how much money they had planned to spend mailing me things for the next 5 years.)

I think World-President Obama and his Pet Congress*** should make a new consumer-friendly corporate-transparency law that requires all companies to publicly declare whether or not they are in league with The Robots whenever they ask for, or plan to take and use, your personal data.


That way, you'll at least have a sense of the number of databases The Robots will have to work from when rampaging through Southern California looking for you and your punk friend on that badass moped. That's gotta be worth some small comfort, right? Better start doing your one-armed pull-ups now, ladies.



* It's an even more one-sided conversation than talking to me when I'm ranting.

** What an appropriately named person.

*** Currently infested with an awful case of the Boehner fleas, characterized by swelling and itchiness, primarily around the anus.

13 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

Heh, heh. You said Boehner.

Mama Dawg said...

If one of The Robots was Christian Bale (or a Christian Bale look-alike), I really wouldn't care all that much.

Russ said...

I think the anal swelling is from Pelosi.

thegirlof510 said...

Lol @ Middle Aged Woman

Mary said...

But don't you feel good hanging up on them before the robot realizes you've answered?

cIII said...

I knew I should have purchased that Old Glory Life Insurance against Robots.

May they all screech, "oiiiiil Can" in the End.

Always Home and Uncool said...

I find them so much easier to hang up on that those poor live telemarketers.

Youngblood4ever said...

I almost peeped my pants. Love your stuff. Haven't really ever commented, but I think I am just going to have to now. You are brilliant. (Don't let that go to your head, k?)

Jake Alger said...

Down with the robots — but up with people.

Heatherlyn said...

Even worse are companies who have replaced their human beings with automated call centers. An endless maze of pushing this button or that on the phone, for hours, that leads you to NO WHERE!!!!!! That should be illegal!!!!!

Joe @ IrrationalDad said...

People still answer their phones? If it's not a number I recognize, I let my machine do the talking.

The Microblogologist said...

Sucks to be you, I saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to geico, it was so easy a microbiologist could do it! Think they'll read that and make me their new spokesperson? I really do save a ton, my mother is so jealous, and I so love the little gecko.

ric said...
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