17 August 2009

12 steps over to the CPR table, 1 step back in shock...

Sorry folks, I can't talk long, I've got a lot of numbers to juggle in my head, along with quite a bit of comically misspent grief.

You see, due to the unfortunate fact that I'm an idiot, I jumped into a swimming pool yesterday while still wearing my ever-present pedometer, which I found floating across the water a few minutes later, not unlike the tragically bloated corpse of my secret, much-more-loved child.

This means I had to spend the rest of the day trying to figure out about how much I had walked before my wife J- handed me her own identical (though only sporadically used) device, to preemptively shut me up and to stop that nervous twitch in my eye.

You know the twitch-- it's the one that scary guy on the subway platform always has before he shuffles over and asks you if you're sure you need both your kidneys, or if you know what pants taste like.

After baking it with a hair dryer almost to the point of melting yesterday, and then leaving it out in the sun all afternoon, I was able to bring the display back after it had finally disappeared (an impressively long holdout, I thought, considering the fact that I could see water inside the screen after I pulled it ashore), but it refused, possibly out of bitterness, to count any steps up until I removed the battery to let it dry more thoroughly.

My sister recommended leaving it covered in dry rice for awhile, to fully suck out any remaining moisture*, but since I don't have any on hand at the moment, I figured I might as well solicit ideas from you, proud members of The Internet. I'm coming to you first because I'd rather not get lost hunting down every possible solution in the universe, including those dreamed up as a joke by 15-year-old kids, Death Row prisoners, and shut-ins.

You see, I may or may not have a tendency to be easily distracted by flashing lights, useless trivia, nostalgic references, and bits of string, so if I was, in fact, this way, it might take me hours to find my way back out to actually resuscitate my little comatose loved one.

Wait a minute, is that a list of factual errors and continuity mistakes in the 1988 treasure Short Circuit 2 on the IMDb? I'll be right back...



* She did this, to great effect, for the laptop on which she spilled a drink, after finding the suggestion online. She's not just some strange person whose solution to every problem involves wasting odd foods, as some kind of vegetarian sacrifice.

16 comments:

Midlife Mama said...

Step one: Give your friend a decent burial.

Step two: Go to the store and buy another one.

Seriously. It's easier. It may seem harsh, but really. Dude. You need to think "quality of life." I mean sure, your friend may be able to stumble along for awhile, but it's never going to be the same again.

Middle Aged Woman said...

I have rescued more than one cell phone with a bag of rice. Even Minute Rice works, but you have to take the battery out and leave the compartment open. Do it. DO IT!

The Stiletto Mom said...

I had never heard of the bag of rice trick until BlogHer and now you are about the 5th person to mention it. All I know is if MAW told you to do it, you should. I always do what she says. :)

Sprite's Keeper said...

Long cooking rice? Is brown rice okay?

Mary said...

Is there secret hidden data pertinent to our national security on this device or is it the challenge of keeping this one alive?

People in the Sun said...

Wait. There's a stripper in the movie?

Swirl Girl said...

a pedometer?? really?

is that a euphemism for some other social networking device??

Trooper Thorn said...

I don't think it was Short Circuit 2 you were thinking of, but 1984's "Electic Dreams".

Allison said...

Wow. You totally qualify to be an Aiming Low Writer

Aunt Juicebox said...

Rice works. It may take as long as a few days. Also, you know those little bags of desicant that come in shoes or bottles of pills etc? Those work too.

Dawn said...

yep...saved my cell with some minute rice. I know you were hoping to get other solutions, but your sister is right.

Mama Kat said...

I don't know...I just think I would have thought to take the pedometer off before jumping into a pool to save my kids life.

That's just me.

Joe said...

I left my bluetooth headset in my pants recently. It went through the washer and dryer. Didn't work at all the next day. I took it with me on a two hour drive and had it hanging out of the window for about half of it. It works great now, and smells springtime fresh too.

Midwest Mom said...

You are a nut.

And here's my suggestion.

Why not just count your steps manually? Or you could carry around a post-it pad & golf pencil writing down hash-marks for every step.

(you can thank me later.)

Badass Geek said...

I've heard the rice thing to be helpful. I haven't done it myself, because I don't often have my electronic things near water. I'm too clumsy and paranoid.

A Free Man said...

I know it's a minor point, but you don't have rice? What's your grain of choice?