Check out what my son and I recently dug up from our garden:
By "garden", I should clarify, I mean the couple of plants that sprouted from the two legendarily gross potatoes we buried in the yard a few months ago, after general neglect and disorganization in our kitchen helped us all learn important lessons about the circle of life.*
So I'm pretty sure a few more harvests like this will only solidify my new position as the leading provider of non-demeaning meals for the world's smallest needy people.
Should this possible future selfless** role qualify me for the world's first preemptive Nobel Peace Prize? I'll leave that up to you.
Full Disclosure: I will pay you in all the tiny deep-fried potatoes you can eat if you make this happen.
* Much cheaper and less painfully than a puppy, I might add.
** For the record, the term "selfless" still allows me to make an honest man's living by taking exorbitant profits, so don't let that affect your decision.