Amusing searches, Vol. 13

If I ever found out more about the people who arrived here via Internet searches, I think it would only be a letdown compared to the outlandish caricatures that spring to mind for each search (complete with funny voices). If one of these people is you, well, you'd better start upping your game.

Anyway, here's a grab-bag of some of the most amusing searches that have brought people here.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)

• Goldfish crackers MSDS (Saginaw, MI) - While they may be as addictive as cocaine or as dangerous as other chemical substances, I'm pretty sure Pepperidge Farm still is not required to issue an MSDS for Goldfish crackers.

• but it is indisputable that while you cannot possibly be genteel and bake? what does this mean (San Antonio, TX) - Why Google pointed you to my main page for this, I don't know, but maybe they're on to something, because I just so happen to be able to pass you, dear reader of Great Expectations, along to this dictionary entry for genteel. I'm pretty sure the rest is self-explanatory.

• why raisins are gross - I'm glad Google's fighting the good fight to present my own views on the wonders of raisins whenever someone so foolishly puts a statement such as this out there. I can only hope this searcher was looking for reasons someone with no taste buds might make this claim, so that they could most effectively refute those reasons. Yes, I take my raisins seriously.

• sexually irresistible woman (Haradok, Belarus) - You know, I've been called a lot of things in my time, but I think that's a first. To my face, anyway.

• spongebob vagina (Leer, Germany) - With someone as absorbent, yellow, and porous as he, I would think even a scientist would have trouble distinguishing one orifice from another. Sorry to disappoint you, Extremely Disturbing Person.