09 October 2008

My son the Arch-Villain

Ladies and gentlemen, in the interest of all our safety, I feel compelled to inform you that I have reason to believe my 4-year-old son may in fact be the next in a long line of supervillains. And not necessarily one of the campy kinds.

Just look at this ferocious face he was making in the picture for this recent post:
He strikes pee into the pants of mortal men!If I hadn't otherwise suspected his secret identity, I'm pretty sure my suspicions would have been raised by his frequent claims to being an evil figure, whether specific or not. He has been Captain Hook (a LOT) and "black Spider-Man (I've never been clear where he found out about Venom), but generally he just declares himself (in a comically deep and menacing voice) to be "a BAAAAAD guyyyyy!" or sometimes "a BAD [insert random but dramatic action word] guy!"


While he also does the same thing with much more mundane figures, such as "I'm a crane guy!", "I'm a cooker guy!", or "I'm a garbage man!", he definitely tends more towards the dastardly side.

On top of that, at many a breakfast time, when asked what he'd like to eat, he seems to begin wildly threatening people with something called "pain-cakes".

Finally, to settle any remaining dispute, I recently found this behind the couch, and to quote Dave Barry, I swear I am not making this up:
Superman was overcome by Lex Luthor's biggest rivalI'm assuming the green rope, at least, is made largely of Kryptonite.

Poor bastard never stood a chance.

31 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

He must have been meeting the Barbie I found in my refrigerator. She was naked and stuffed in the salad drawer.

Middle Aged Woman said...

I'm pretty sure I had a pain-cake for my last birthday.

Maybe the Superman in bondage needs to be added to the list of reasons your son may be homosexual. Just sayin'.

Casey said...

How is it that nobody has been able to stop Superman and then a four year old comes along and does the trick?
Impressive work. Now can you send him off to fight the economic crisis?

Seriously Mama said...

Is he available for hire? I have these inlaws...

Jenni said...

I sure hope you show that kid respect.

ali said...

What is up with these 4 year olds? Mine puts football in the freezer but then again, I dropped a spaghetti sauce jar on his head when he was a baby. What's YOUR excuse?!

AJ said...

Keep him away from my daughter. She likes to keep her kitten (live, real kitten) in the microwave of her play kitchen, in a desk drawer, in her garbage can with a sealed lid....

thegirlof510 said...

That last picture killed me! :P

Kat said...

I seems our kids are destined to be mortal enemies. LaLa has been claiming that she is a superhero lately. I need to find that picture of her in costume.

Mama Dawg said...

He will make a most excellent super villain. Maybe he can even get into a Disney film and make you (I mean him) tons and tons of money.

My daughter used to call herself a cooker-girl.

Kori said...

You know, I can't seem to find a single thing wrong with having a guy tied up; am I missing something?

Threeboys1mommy said...

Just dawn a cape and join in the fun Dan... you know you want to.

Mary said...

No clever comment. I just love this post.

Chris said...

Just so long as he drops some money from the bank he is robbing by my house.

At least he seems to have a career in mind. That's pretty damned good at that age.

-Chris
Weather Moose

Natalie said...

superman tied up made me laugh out loud then middle aged woman totally cracked me up with the "why your son may be homosexual" comment. laughing hard!

Andrea said...

Do superheroes run in your family?

Ringleader said...

Dang, the only superhero my kid pretends to be is Captain Underpants!

Issas Crazy World said...

Poor superman! hey, there has to be bad guys, or we'd never have superheroes.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

We used to be superman fans, but now it's all Indiana Jones, all the time (I highly recommend Lego Video games BTW). Now to prepare some chilled monkey brains for my Thugees.

Joe said...

My prayers have been answered!! I've been secretly hoping that Tyler would be a superhero when he gets older. The problem is that there can't be a superhero without an arch nemesis supervillian. Since your boy is filling that role, I can still have hope! THANKS DAN!

playnnotes said...

I would have loved to have been there when you found that that Superman behind your couch, and then heard the thoughts, or actual words that came out! I am sure the green one is Kryptonite! Adn the red one is too, it is just dyed so he could sneak it on him!

Brittany said...

Pain-cakes! That boy is an animal! Does he have a superhero costume on underneath his pjs?

muskrat said...

doesn't he know you don't tug on superman's cape? does he also spit into the wind?

The Microblogologist said...

Good thing I moved 350 miles away, who knows what he is capable of!

Jason said...

I have a four year old who sounds very similar to yours!

Thanks, LiteralDan, for your meaningful and supportive comment on The Jason Show today!

kel said...

Duuuudeee....seriously? That is one of the funniest pictures I have seen. I'm not gonna lie. You better watch out for this kid.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Thanks for the laugh. I've always wanted to see superman tied up and with his pants pulled down.

Candid Carrie said...

Dear L.D.,

I am sure Mrs. Reeves wouldn't think this is very funny.

I thought it was funny and that is the important thing here.

Fondly, C.C.

The Mad Hatress said...

Wow! That was quite villianly clever of him to wrap superman in a Kryponite rope! Even superman's comic villians never thought that far ahead. If you must have a super villian as a son, at least he is not dumb like that dirty bubble character in spongebob. :)

Politi Gal said...

Now that is both cute and hilarious!

Elisa said...

Ha! I'm sure he already figured out that girls like bad boys! Evil genius.