06 October 2008

The rules of D-, Vol. 2

Here are some more rules of D-, my 4-year-old son. This time, it's a sampling of questions and statements that should not arouse any suspicion at all:

1. Can you stay in the shower for awhile longer?

2. (walking into a room, apropos of nothing)didn't punch her...

3. Go away from me now?

4. I don't want you to ask me about that.

25 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

When daughter was little and disagreed with me, she'd say, "I think it not, mama."

The Microblogologist said...

What is so suspicious about any of those questions/statements? You are so paranoid ;). Look at that innocent little face in your banner! Speaking of, you should break out the supplies and participate in my contest with the kiddies, maybe it would keep them out of trouble for a minute or two. How was that for shameless self-promotion?

thegirlof510 said...

The third one is my favorite.

Goldfish said...

My four-year-old says, "Don't look at me right now." He's very matter-of-fact.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

I love the way kids try to flex their manipulative muscles - when they only begin to understand that mom and dad can not see into their brains. My 6 yr old will say "Can I borrow your cell phone mom?" then take it into another room, like I'm not going to follow him.

And last night, after his bath, he was supposed to be getting his pj's on, I walked past his room and he was still naked, holding his kitten ... he dropped the kitten, smiled a big cat-ate-the-canary smile at me, and said, "nothing to see here."

Not arousing any suspicion at all.

Casey said...

Wow, somebody has a guilty conscience. You would think he'd wait until his sister was wailing to admit his guilt!!!
I love the way kid's minds work.

Mary said...

He needs to be much sneakier. Or not.

Mama Dawg said...

What's suspicious about those questions or statements. They totally do not send my radar into overdrive. Not at all...

TerriRainer said...

Just wait till he learns TRUE parental deception....it's lurking in the near future, trust me!

:) Terri

Threeboys1mommy said...

I've read #3 several times and can't manage to understand the ? Are you sure you didn't mean !!!

Miss Grace said...

I use all of those myself. Daily. At work.

LiteralDan said...

Nope, that's an old classic from when he was a bit younger and less grammatically sophisticated. He still uses it now and then, because we quoted it so much.

He says it in a really nice voice, and making it a question means it's less aggressive, didn't you know? Like he really means to be polite but this is his first day in this country with its strange language, no?

Ideally he just needs to learn the Jedi mind trick and he'll be all set. "I am not drawing on the walls... what I am doing is not worth your time or attention..."

Shannon said...

#2 sounds a lot like my house...

I'll hear smack!... then the youngest wailing and the oldest saying "I didn't do anything!"

Issas Crazy World said...

My four year old says that last one. Then gets mad when we ask anyway. Four year olds are weird.

Laggin said...

"I don't want you to ask me about that." I think sometimes deponents say that to me when I'm questioning them!

How to Party with an Infant said...

My four-year-old says, "I just don't want you to say anything right now."
"Anything," I'll say, 'cause I'm lame.

Joe said...

I love the "I didn't punch her" line. You've got to give him credit for letting you know before you had to ask about.

Christy said...

I love it! Those are my favorite!

Always Home and Uncool said...

Like you need an excuse to stay in the shower longer ...

muskrat said...

I like that these are proactive. Do you read Stephen Covey at bedtime?

beth said...

My favorite was: when we asked which way was east, my daughter would ask, "NOW?".

Ringleader said...

Yup- nothing amiss there! The best part is, he thinks he's got you fooled... ha-ha- the trick, is to let him keep thinking that and then work it to your advantage (Ninja parenting 101)

LiteralDan said...

My kids --like all of yours, it seems-- long ago taught me that I have to be even more devious to counter their unrestrained little minds.

I need to finish teaching them the futility of trying to outwit me before I really begin teaching them why it's also nicer not to even try.

Beaten-down students are the most pliable, right?

Kori said...

I don't know where Owen learned this one, but it is always "Eli did it," or lately "Lola did it," which is the puppy. Even if he is sitting innicently on the floor doing a puzzle.

LiteralDan said...

Your puppy does puzzles?? You gotta get that pooch in show business, lady! He'll be bigger than the squirrel who water-skis!