24 October 2008

The rules of M-, Vol. 1

Here are just five of the rules for life my 20-month-old daughter M- seems to live by:

1. If you find a little bit of something gross on the floor and you're struck with the admirable idea that you should go throw it away, you immediately get credit for that, even if you give up after one guess of which cabinet hides the garbage can and you then unceremoniously eat said bit.

2. Children must be heard and seen, at all times.

3. As long as you combine the vocabulary of a 4-year-old and the logical powers of a 5-year-old with the cuteness of a 6-week-old, people are much more willing to forgive the destructiveness of a 17-year-old.

4. Everyone must inform a high-ranking baby of every single thing they are doing, big or small.

5. Insisting that adults repeat something on demand over and over again, long after you know their response back and forth, will not only cement it in your memory, but it will push them into a hypnotic state in which it's impossible for them to resist digging out a pacifier for you.

See also: The rules of D-

28 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

THose are GREAT rules!!!!!Ha HA Loved them.

Middle Aged Woman said...

I was going to add a rule 6, but I know what kind of turmoil that creates for you. Let's just paraphrase Rule 4, shall we? "Thnak God your cute, or I'd have strangled you by now."

CaraBee said...

I think number 1 applies to my husband, too.

Carolyn...Online said...

I always knew they had internal rules. Rules that we, as adults, could never really understand.

Seriously Mama said...

My 18 month old thanks M for posting the rules. She is printing them out as I make her breakfast...

Sally HP said...

i'd love to see the entire post in reader.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

I second Sally's request, it's a simple thing - settings, site feed, full.

Also, with #2 if you can't see OR hear them, something very bad is likely to be occurring!

Keely said...

Mine has me in a trance state through sleep-deprivation...I bet he can't WAIT to add skills to his repertoire. I'll be signing over my paychecks in no time.

Allison said...

OK, so it's official. Kittens and babies are basically one in the same?

sweetcheese said...

I wanna hear the story behind #3.

Threeboys1mommy said...

My pacifier is blingy!

ali said...

#4: AND why!

TerriRainer said...

I swear it only gets worse when they are teenagers...just think...fodder for your blog for the next two decades!

:) Terri

Mary said...

Yes please put the entire post in. I read you through my reader at work and I can't access your full site due to our restrictions. I can always wait till I get home, but wahhhh I don't want too.

Issas Crazy World said...

My four year old must have heard these rules at some point. She has number 2 perfected.

Andrea said...

Wait! I didn't get that memo.

miko564 said...

"1) If you find a little bit of something gross on the floor and you're struck with the admirable idea that you should go throw it away, you immediately get credit for that, even if you give up after one guess of which cabinet hides the garbage can and you then unceremoniously eat said bit."

Substitute: "something gross" with "something on the floor"

"throw" with "put"

and "garbage can" with "place where it goes"

You have my only rule about being a husband.

How to Party with an Infant said...

I totally know about that hypnotic state. She's asking me the same thing over and over again, but she doesn't use a pacifier, so I drown her out with NPR.

flutter said...

i think I just realized that I am engaged to a child!

LiteralDan said...

I had no idea so many of her rules would apply so well to adults, but I guess that just goes to show you how sophisticated she is.

I think we're definitely in for some trouble.

Sal said...

Well, at least M doesn't get all puffed up with ceremony before she eats the gross bit. That would just be too much, no?

Miss Grace said...

My 24 year old brother still eats the gross bit.

LiteralDan said...

Sal: She gets all puffed up about lots of things, but you're right, she just took this in stride at the time.

Miss Grace: Good for him in sticking with what works, ay?

Casey said...

I'm liking the rules and number two rings true around here. We can't carry on a conversation without my 22 month old screaming his head off. Apparently, it's NOT ok for mommy and daddy to have an adult converastion. Not cool.

Katie said...

Ha! I love #1. We should all get credit for making half hearted attempts that end in eating.

Laggin said...

"push them into a hypnotic state in which it's impossible for them to resist digging out a pacifier for you."

Hmmm. Wonder whether I can stuff a pacifier into a teenager's mouth....

Anita Doberman said...

Sounds like my children fall neatly into these rules - all six of them :) Maybe sometimes I am in one or two of those categories myself ....not telling which

LiteralDan said...

Casey: I have no idea what that's like... I think that's a whole chapter in the toddler handbook.

Katie: I like your style... based on that criterion, I've got a lot of things for which I'm owed credit.

Laggin: You can, but they might just think you're starting a rave and wait impatiently for you to start cranking the techno music and passing out glow sticks.

Anita Doberman: Awww, come on. Let me guess-- numbers 3 and 4?