30 March 2009

I am not responsible for this behavior

While a lot of people like to point to certain events, character traits, or incidental behavior as indicative of a child's similarity to or even destiny to become exactly like one or more of his parents, I prefer to promote the idea that this is complete nonsense, except in the rare case in which doing so might make me look good.

For an example of the former, let me share that my now-5-year-old son D- recently hit his leg on the coffee table entirely out of his own carelessness, which, if you ask me as his loving parent, causes him pain and discomfort far too infrequently to really teach him anything of use.

His response to this assault was to immediately engulf himself in soaring flames of impotent rage and begin letting loose the following diatribe:

"OW!! We should move to a different house that doesn't have this stuff in it!"

He then dramatically threw himself upon the couch, before just as quickly standing back up to add some other points he just thought of:

"See?? (pointing at the TV) We've got all this stuff everywhere to walk into and we should just go somewhere else where we don't have any stuff in the way on the floors!"

In rereading this before publication, I realize that it sounds at best partially fabricated, but let me assure you with the three fingers of my Boy Scout salute held high in the air that since I was sitting at the computer at the time, I transcribed this rant word for word.

I have no further comment.

11 comments:

cIII said...

That's how the Unibomber got his start.

Furniture. It's everywhere. Just laying (lying?) in wait. Then......
Ambush!!

Natalie said...

stuff...too much stuff always causes problems. he's learning this early. good for him.

i'd take his stuff away first since he came up with the idea that stuff is the problem. i'm sure he'll appreciate that.

Brittany said...

Well, congrats, you seem to be raising a future Ghandi.

Your place in heaven is pretty much guarenteed!

Mama Dawg said...

Yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that I can't live without my couch and my TV to watch the Biggest Loser, I'd lose all that stuff, too. Tell D I'm on his side.

Mrs. B. Roth said...

That desire to get rid of all the stuff, very Buddhist, very Christian. Children are divine.

And perhaps if they didn't also say things like, "Mommy have a penis?" over and over, MAYBE people would listen to them more.

Mary said...

I would have to assume he inherited this trait from an ancestor - irrational anger on infliction of pain. But really, you could get rid of the TV. I'm sure he'll be happy then.

Midlife Mama said...

Damn furniture; just jumping out and tripping him like that! Sheesh. Sounds like he is developing a lifelong habit of blaming others for his problems early on. Good to know he is developing his neuroses early. After all, he is saving himself from a lot of time on a therapist's couch, so that when he is an adult, you can point out to him that it began at age five. And then you show him this post.

Miss Grace said...

Hmmm. I ran into a stool in the middle of the night and responded by throwing it across the room in a fit of rage, which Gabriel in turn responded to by saying, "I don't like it when you're scary."

Swirl Girl said...

I don't even want to tell you (all) what my child would have ranted should she have stubbed her toe.

Mrs4444 said...

I hate it when I haven no one to blame but myself for smashing into things. I swear, the next time I tink a shin, I'm using D's diatribe. Nice.

The Microblogologist said...

He told it!