08 October 2008

Corporate intelligence, Vol. 4: Bank of America

Let me pose this one to you: say you were Bank of America settling into a new market (Chicago) after somewhat recently buying up a pretty big chain of banks (LaSalle Bank). Which would you consider the smoothest opening move?

1) Running a print ad welcoming yourself to town using an outdated, inaccurate picture of the cityscape, or

2) Running a radio ad congratulating the Cubs on making the playoffs and wishing them the best of luck in their quest, two days after they were bitterly swept out of competition?

3) Both of the above.

If you chose number three, congratulations! You are officially entitled to millions upon millions of dollars in bonuses while commanding thousands of employees and billions of dollars in assets!

If you chose either option 1 or 2, you are still entitled to the above, but you'll also be disgraced by receiving a few billion dollars in charity sales of bad mortgages to the federal government.

Try living that one down, you poor sap!

22 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

or 3) Run a full page ad thinking Mayor Daley for keeping Chicago so "clean."

Middle Aged Woman said...

or thanking, if you are actually awake when you are typing.

Chris said...

Hey, get the salt out of your coffee, cubbie.

No, in all seriousness, this whole financial screw-up is a bogus, frustrating thing for all of us. Especially those of us who are, more or less, responsible.

At least the Cubs made the playoffs.

The Braves didn't even sniff them.

Well, I guess that's better than a broom.

-Chris
Weather Moose

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

As long as I get my free toaster...

Mary said...

Now you know why they make the big bucks. Attention to detail. Any chance those ads were planned while the execs were on a corporate retreat?

Threeboys1mommy said...

If your Cubs had played Sammy Sosa you might have won a game... Oh right he's on a hammock in the Dominican somewhere. Tough.

LET'S GO DODGERS! LET'S GO DODGERS!

Joe said...

CUBS

Completely
Useless
By
September

GO TIGERS!!!!! Er.... uhh.... OH, nevermind.

Miss Grace said...

Oh man that's some well-informed advertising right there.

As a die-hard Giants fan, I thrive on disappointment, but at least no one's running any congratulatory ads on our behalf.

Let me squeeze some lemon juice into that paper cut for you.

Kori said...

And tell me again who the cubs are?

CaraBee said...

Who would be surprised by this idiocy from the same people that brought us the (near) depression of 2008? Not I, said the little one.

I love Mary's comment!

Momo Fali said...

Oops. Someone in marketing is probably getting yelled at right about now.

Laggin said...

That pretty much explains a lot, doesn't it?

beth said...

The only thing left for them to do is put a full page ad in the Chicago Tribune on November 5th saying, "Congratualtions, President Obama" only to find out that McCain was declared the winner!

LiteralDan said...

I don't want anyone to mistake me for a Cubs fan-- I'm definitely a White Sox fan (they didn't do all that much better this year... rrrr...).

I'll definitely be happy for the Cubs if they ever win it all, but I gave up on even considering beating my head against that wall year after year all the way back in grade school.

Maybe if they got an even remotely intimidating name, or more aggressive logo, it might help the team's mentality. But they're too valuable as a commodity at this point for that to be an option, so we'll all keep waiting to see if there's a pack of guys out there who can defeat all comers while in the guise of a pack of baby bears.

And beth, bite your tongue!

muskrat said...

Are they going to post flyers advertising a party "by that mirror-looking blobby thing at Centennial Park"? I hope so.

Vodka Mom said...

those damn cubs. If it weren't for bad luck. (your post totally cracked me up...)

LiteralDan said...

Hey, you'd better not be badmouthing The Bean, or my mom may exact horrible vengence on you. She loves it almost as much as she loves the Cubs.

LiteralDan said...

Hey, from a businessman's perspective, the Cubs have fantastically good luck. That's the problem-- there's no real motivation to seek excellence.

I wonder if attendance/jersey sales would suffer if they finally won. You know, as if people would finally be released from their unholy grip. Just idle speculation...

jenboglass said...

I want to laugh because this is funny. But I think I'll cry because it's true. Sorry about the cubbies. :(

sweetcheese said...

"Great" move on BofA's part. (Though, I guess I couldn't expect anything less from the people who redesigned their logo to blend together in an outdated, bright, ugly, redness. Sorry--irritated design fan here.)

Erin said...

I did an actual blink and pause moment when I heard that radio ad. I'm pathetic enough to still be a Cubs fan, so it rubbed just a little salt in the wound!

LiteralDan said...

jenboglass: Let them both out at the same time-- it would be kind of cool.

sweetcheese: The thing I don't like is, as others have observed, that their new logo looks a lot like an American flag doormat. Which is probably frighteningly appropriate.

Not as bad as an American flag Dumpster, but still.

Erin: That had to hurt... like "maybe it was all a dream, maybe they really are still in it! Oh wait, no, these people are just idiots."

And you're not pathetic, just patient and admirably optimistic.