27 October 2008

They're up in arms in Sandwich, IL

You know, folks, many of us have spent plenty of quality time mocking the Bush Administration's beating the drums of war against Iran, but though it pains me to admit it, they just might be onto something:

Iranian crowd devours world's largest sandwich


Iranian workers prepare[d] a giant ostrich meat sandwich in an attempt to achieve a Guinness World Record ... But as the sandwich was being measured, chaos ensued ... when the crowd started eating it before it could be [officially] measured.


I think we can all agree that if there are precious few habits we Americans consider "our things", among them most certainly would have to be forming angry mobs, eating compulsively whatever's put in front of us, and being the butt of everyone else's jokes.

But now the Iranians try to top all past and future competition with this madness? What are we to make of this affront to our honor, this usurpation of our primary role in global affairs? I say we move on to our second, and let slip the dogs of war!

But does anyone else really, really want a sandwich before we head out?

23 comments:

Middle Aged Woman said...

Some pastrami would be nice.

First!

Vodka Mom said...

can you bake it first?

Brittany said...

I find it an affront to our patriotism to attempt such a feat! How dare they try to be equally as selfish, short sighted and as quick to jump the gun and say "Mission Accomplished, let's eat," as we!

thegirlof510 said...

Ugh, their sandwich sounds disgusting...

miko564 said...

"... when the crowd started eating it before it could be [officially] measured."

This never would have happened if they had homosexuals in Iran. The gay folks would have waited until the sandwich was all offical-like.

ali said...

Whew! This makes me feel so much better us having Paris Hilton!

Always Home and Uncool said...

What! You mean those MRE's we are sending in our humanitarian aid care packages aren't up to stuff for them?

Kat said...

As long as it isn't ostrich meat on our sandwich I am game...

Kori said...

Dude. Has your little comment thingy always said that you would appreciate some real life hate mail, or am I just noticing that? I was going to post something about your post about the sandwich, but I got all dsitracted by that. Because I know if I ever get hateful comments or hate mail, I am IN the big league.

TerriRainer said...

How about "hate comments"? I am lucky enough to have garnered that from the infamous VooDoo Priestess!

Can't think of anything bad to say about you right now, but I'm sure it will come!

Cajun Turkey would have been a much better choice for a sandwich IMHO. I wouldn't have been fightin anybody for Ostrich.

:) Terri

Laggin said...

Did you say ostrich? EWww.

Casey said...

I would kill for a sammich right now.

LiteralDan said...

Middle Aged Woman: Yes, you were indeed first. Here's a hard candy and a pat on the head, little girl.

Vodka Mom: Mmmm, toasty.

Brittany: There you go, THAT'S the kind of rabblerousing I'm looking for!

Children, put your pencils down and look at Brittany-- she's doing it exactly right. Everyone say, "Good job, Brittany" and then promise not to throw food at her at lunch.

thegirlof510: Oh, come on, it's not so bad. Ostrich probably tastes like chicken, like so many other things do. According to the story, though, they're still being sold on it, too.

miko564: You're probably right, so I think this proves Ahmadinejad right once and for all. Or maybe they were all closeted homosexuals addicted to eating to kill the pain of their oppression.

No one from Iran can read this blog, right?

ali: I assure you that was never my intention. Stop making me regret encouraging tolerance and understanding of That Person!

Always Home and Uncool: Yeah, for some reason, everyone who tastes them suddenly turns into a whiner and declares them inedible.

It's almost discouraging to the good folks in the MRE factories who'll keep churning them out indefinitely!

Kat: Was that a pun? Should you have said, "I am gamey"? Either way, I had the opposite reaction-- I want to try me some ostrich now. And all we seem to have here in the U.S. are lousy emu farms. Stupid, non-vigilante-inspiring emus. Since when did any boring old emu meat inspire a ravenous riot, foreign or domestic?

Kori: Nope, it hasn't. I added that a week or so ago, because I was bored of the default message. And you're totally right, I want to be called up to the majors.

Now I want to know what your comment was-- think hard and comment again.

TerriRainer: You can't think of ANYTHING bad to say about me?? I thought we were pretend friends!! If we didn't all have a bunch of bad things to say about our friends at all times, what would we talk to our other friends about?

And as for the ostrich meat, I think you just need to try some. Save me the neck and a calf, so I can eat for a week! You can have the thigh-- I don't want to chip a tooth.

Laggin: I think you typed that upside-down and backwards. Mmmmmeeeeeee I want some ostrich!

LiteralDan said...

Casey: How dare you comment when I'm commenting! Anyway, anyone who knows me would tell you I'd probably kill for a sandwich any time, even after I'd just had one.

What can I say? The sandwich is nature's most perfect food.

Rikki said...

The sandwich is hubby's favorite food. Although he is anti-mayo and mustard, so his are always really dry and gross looking (much like the Iranian sandwich). At least hubby is easy to please...right?

Christy said...

Pastrami on rye, but only if you're going to throw in some chips too. :)

MamaNeena said...

where do you find this stuff, LD!?

Swirl Girl said...

the reason they started gobbling before the official measurements were recorded is because THEY ARE STARVING!!

Miss Grace said...

Can I tell you how thrilling it is that you changed your preferences to allow a full feed in my reader? I am delighted.

I need a sandwich.

Rachel Burton said...

That's just wrong on so many levels. And aren't ostriches endangered?

YogaforCynics said...

Ostriches are actually farmed these days--they're huge, and look like cows with feathers (when their heads are down)...kinda. It's good stuff--tastes like red meat, but with a lot less fat. Hmmm...actually this discussion is making me hungry....

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Ditto what Miko564 said!

LiteralDan said...

Rikki: There aren't many dry sandwiches that are worth much, that's why I like tomatoes and pickles/relish at the very least.

Christy: Order up! Ding, ding!

MamaNeena: I plug my brain into this world-wide web of sorts, and after immediately analysing all new information across the network, I filter it down to only the finest bits of information, just for the entertainment and enlightenment of all of you good folks.

Swirl Girl: Yeah, I can't say I could sit there and watch people carefully make an enormous, delicious sandwich and not start chewing on it or something else in the immediate vicinity.

Miss Grace: Glad to be of service. It seemed to be the preference of most people who expressed one, so I went with it. Now we'll see if the readership goes a lot higher.

You and me both, sister!

Rachel Burton: I don't think so, since as the next commenter notes, they're farmed like emus.

YogaforCynics: My first reaction is to picture an ostrich and decide I wouldn't want to eat one, but then I don't know of any animal who'd make me hungry just by looking at it. I'm more than willing to try it, if the occasion arose.

Florida Girl In Sydney: Sadly, it's a fantasy-- after all, there aren't any homosexuals there, right?