31 October 2008

Unanswerable questions, Vol. 2

Here are five more questions time and thought will never be able to answer:

1. Why doesn't my wife get excited when I whittle the unread posts in my blog feed reader from over 100 down to zero?

2. Why am I so tense as our presidential election approaches, minute by minute, since I have no control over the actions of the millions of other people who will decide its outcome?*

3. Why does having an old Scrooge McDuck figurine from my childhood hidden in a box-within-a-box somewhere in our house mean that he will magically surface inside my shoe, waiting patiently to cripple me, as soon as the kids learn who he is thanks to a recent free-library-DVD-fueled DuckTales bender?

4. Continuing from the previous item, why does the mere name of the evil Flintheart Glomgold make me laugh no matter how many times I think of it, and why did I feel so compelled to get that name in print that I shoehorned it into this list?

5. Why doesn't an actual, substantive post spontaneously appear in my Drafts list, after I dutifully procrastinate for days or weeks at a time, following every bit of fairy dust that floats through my mind whenever I have a clear chance to come up with something useful?



* Perhaps because it's been a very long, tedious 2 years leading up to our communal attempt to erase the last 8.

31 comments:

miko564 said...

Can you believe we have been dealing with this thing for 2 years?!

What the hell is CNN going to cover now? Lou Dobbs can only rail against illegal aliens for 11-12 hours tops...he's old.

moose said...

I think I'm anxious about this election because I'm worried about the backlash...from either outcome.

Scary man.

People scare me.

-Chris
Weather Moose

Brittany said...

#2 and #3 plague me daily. The costs of being a genius, I guess.

Russ said...

1) She is showing you support, in a very odd way

2) Between the "news coverage" and infomercials, I've developed a nervous tic too.

3) The children's job is to leave stuff out in order to cripple us, no?

4) It is a funny name

5) I've been waiting for the very same thing, instead I write about poopy drawers and spit up.

Tara R. said...

Questions for the ages... we may never know.

Miss Grace said...

All of my substansive posts seem to have gone missing too. Well. To be technically correct, I guess it's just that they never materialized out of the ether.

Joe said...

Wow... and I felt overwhelmed at having 57 new blog posts to read. Good job.

Casey said...

I don't know but if you have any tips on how to get through my reader any faster, let me know. Every time I read one thing, two more pop up. I have 93 feeds in there..

Mocha Dad said...

I can still sing the Duck Tales theme song.

Kori said...

am not nervous abotu the election, but am so freakign excited that if I could, I would go camp out at the voting precinct. today. and if the worng mcPerson wins, Iam going to mve to Canada.

AJ said...

Now for the rest of the day, I'll be singing "Duck Tales...WoooOooo." I LOVED that cartoon.

Goldfish said...

Sadly, I have no answers. To these or any other questions. But if I make it through Tuesday without needing psychotropic medication, I'll be shocked.

ali said...

I would vote for who ever proposes a week long blog hiatus so everyone can empty their blog readers. Currently, I have 34.

Rikki said...

I feel the same way about the name Turd Ferguson. It makes me laugh every time I hear it.

I am trying not to think of the election. Like my mom always says "Try not to worry about things you can't control".

Have a good Halloween! :)

Christy said...

Ditto #1 and #2. Maybe your wife and my husband just need a drink? Either that or maybe you & I do.

Laggin said...

The answer to 1 is: because many, many spouses are the Scrooge McDuck of the blogging world.

LiteralDan said...

Joe, Casey, and ali: It only gets worse and worse-- there is no solution. That frightening truth is your free Halloween scare.

Mocha Dad and AJ: I say we start a round on three...

When everyone demands a followup, we can do Chip and Dale.

Kori: The other part of me is extremely excited-- I didn't do early voting just because I want to be in the thick of it. I am making plans to be at the Grant Park rally on Tuesday night.

-----
Happy Halloween, everybody! I'm off to go raid the neighborhood of candy, with Spider-Man and Tinkerbell working security.

Mary said...

I dunno.

Weith Kick said...

I think the entire country is as nervous as you are regarding #2. Actually, I think the entire country agress with you on all five questions. You should run for Prez and these five things should be your platform.

Middle Aged Woman said...

Did anyone else notice this list stops at 5?

Vodka Mom said...

I'm tense, as well, my friend. I'm tense as well.

Swirl Girl said...

maybe because nobody can spell Gondoorf Gonzerschnapps...

anita doberman said...

Very McTense - but hoping for an O-victory!
And when I am stressed I re-read Harry Potter like two or three times ...escapes ....

LiteralDan said...

Mary: Well now you sound like me.

Weith Kick: I can't do that! Everyone will pass ignorant judgments on the many hobos I've killed in the course of my amateur research.

Middle Aged Woman: No, no they did not.*

Vodka Mom: We should to tell the media that we're Undecided Voters and maybe they'll send some reporters over to rub our shoulders.

Swirl Girl: But you just did. And now I'll be able to, also, if anyone ever asks me anytime, anywhere.

anita doberman: Apparently when I get stressed, I stay on the computer way too long. I miss reading books multiple times.


----------
* Bonus points-- count the words!**

** Now count those ones, too.

Mama Dawg said...

Cause the Universe is against you. Didn't ya know?

Erin said...

I have no answers, except to say that I feel the same as #2. And at least you borrowed DuckTales from the library. Instead of buying the DVDs. Before you even had kids. Not that I'm speaking from experience, this is all purely hypothetical, of course.

MamaNeena said...

Your wife squeezed babies from her vagina. It takes more that a clean feed reader to make her do cartwheels. Just a little advice from me to you.

J- said...

Ummmm let me just say that I love Mamaneena she is beyond correct!

Judy Haley (coffeejitters) said...

oh, my goodness, my blog reader is up over 1000 posts. I'd be so thrilled to get it down to 100.

I'm just going through to catch the "must reads" then I'm going to delete the rest. Life is to short to have that much pile up in your reader.

Mrs4444 said...

Actually, I think this post was one of my favorites; I could relate to much of it (and I have and ancient Mickey Mouse night light that floats around here, too!)

LiteralDan said...

Mama Dawg: Well, I do now-- thanks for the heads up!

Erin: Before you get too down on yourself, know that the only reason we discovered this treasure trove is that J- was pushing for us to buy them and Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers.

MamaNeena: I'm not asking for cartwheels, just profuse praise and possibly gifts.

Heehee-- you said "vagina".

J-: Quiet, you!

Judy Haley (coffeejitters): Nothing like a little perspective to make me feel better.

Mrs4444: I think anything involving a light bulb would be much worse to step on-- in that case, you would definitely win.