24 June 2011

Important Question: If I didn't notice a sparkle, can it still be a vampire?

This is the kind of urgent question that cannot wait until it's not the middle of the night to ask of The Internet.

This evening, close to midnight, we were shocked to discover an intruder in the house that may be either a bat or some kind of darting swift or swallow. It didn't stop panickedly swooping toward my indefensibles long enough for me to get a good look at it before finding a safe enough nook in which to plot its revenge.*

So, after several fruitless hours of searching, the question I have for you all is this:

Which one of us will wake up with this thing on our face?

It's kind of important that we know this as soon as possible. Please share your educated hypothesis** in the comments.

* And J- couldn't see much from under the blanket, where she was, quote, "Protecting the baby."

** Additionally, I suppose, you could answer by telling us who will
never wake up after this thing was on our faces?

19 June 2011

A conversation with D-: Candy, or The Optimist

After three kids, plus a keen self-awareness during my own childhood, I know a thing or two about how children's minds work. Some aspects are very simple and obvious, others more complex, but this recent conversation with my 7-year-old son D- reminds us that the most important thing is we are all slaves to our most basic needs.

Me (repeatedly calling from the shower to D-, waiting in the bathroom to come in and get washed): D-? ... D-? ..... D-?? (muttering, unsure if he really left or is hiding somewhere in the bathroom) ...Alright, no candy for you, then...

D- (after a very long pause): ...Wait, what did you say??

Me (ignoring my own triumph over the chronic, and talented, hider): Hey, there you are, buddy-- come on, it's your turn to get clean next.

D- (suddenly very compliant, but urgently looking to resolve his confusion): Okay, I'm coming, but, so... what did you say just a minute ago? "No something for me," or something??

I decided to play dumb on this one, stalling for time long enough that an, "I don't remember what you're talking about," was plausible and thus above his keen suspicion. Can't give up this trick just yet-- I have so few of the old standbys left, at his age.

Happy Father's Day!

You may enjoy my previous D- conversations, (4YO daughter) M- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.

17 June 2011

Things that amuse me, Vol. 8

Here are some more of the random happenings and such that have amused me lately:

1. On a church sign in town: "Celebrate Jesus, the Resurrected One". I was thankful for the clarification that they meant THAT one, not the dude slopping the refried beans into my burrito on the more fun side of town.

2. Stores don't even bother offering 99-cent Mother's Day cards for wives, because they know not enough husbands are stupid enough to walk into a bear trap like that.

3. Sleepy babies=Drunk adults at the end of the night

4. The unfortunate motto of a Louisiana home-repair company I stumbled upon is, "Where Quality Is Not An Option". ...I can understand what they're going for, but still I'd strongly suggest they re-form the Slogan Committee to brainstorm a bit longer on this.