31 May 2011

Classic quotes, Vol. 30

Here's a selection of some recent quotes from my 4-year-old daughter M- and 7-year-old son D-:

D- (after milking a legitimate cough a bit much): I AM sick-- I've always had a cough like this. ... YES, always... well, since last evening.

M- (rooting around behind her in her car seat as we drove): I've got a BUNCH of toys and stuff in my seat crack! I've got crayons, and Cheerios...a penny. I've got a PENNY in my SEAT CRACK!

D- (running, eagerly, after it was pointed out that Momma's crude humor was technically appropriate given her location*): Then I'm gonna go to the bathroom to say a bunch more BUTT things!

M- (finding a new way to protest, a few days after an explanation of Intellectual Property law): No, D-!! That's MY trademarrrrrrrrrk!

D- (unaware of the sad, overwhelming facts about himself these days, after reflecting on all the "bad kids" in his yearbook): Wow, MY teacher is lucky! Every OTHER teacher has a BAD kid in her class who has to go to the OFFICE like every day!

* For the record, no, she was in the bathroom washing dishes**, NOT using the toilet.***

** Until our kitchen is reassembled (but it's only been 8 months!!), that's where we're forced to wash them. We couldn't be happier about this...

*** She NEVER does that.

27 May 2011

A conversation between M- and D-: Children, Interrupted

Here's a 100% authentic, oblivious conversation between two masters of a certain art form:

M- (continuing a story about school): Well, sometimes we talk while the teacher is talking, anyway, so...

D- (interrupting): THAT'S called "interrupting". It's...

M-: It's NOT good. It's very RUDE! Dad hates th...

D-: Dad was doing that back to us yesterday...

M-: Yeah he was, it's very annoying!

You may enjoy my previous (4YO daughter) M- conversations, (7YO son) D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.

25 May 2011

Amusing searches, Vol. 14

Here are more of the most amusing searches that have brought people here recently, this time with the theme of: The Least Depressing Searches That Led People to my 10 Reasons my 3-Year-Old Son May be Homosexual Post.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)

4-year old son walks gay (Harlingen, TX) - You know what they say, if it walks like a gay, and talks like a gay, you're probably unnaturally obsessed with your child's sexuality. Father or mother, I'm just glad this is how you spent your Mother's Day.

5 year old behaving homosexual (Queen Creek, AZ) - You'd think living in a place named Queen Creek, Arizona, you'd be resigned to this kind of thing. He's just trying to fit in!!

when 2 year olds smear feces on the walls (Covington, KY) - Let me finish that for you: "...then the fun begins!"

is it wrong for my 3 year old to sleep with me (Marysville, OH) - Yes, but only because the resultant insomnia might cause you to murder him or her "in your sleep".

20 year old son maybe homosexual? (Billings, MT) - Preeeeeeeeeeetty sure by this point, it's no longer your concern.