24 October 2011

Corporate intelligence: A new Lowe

Well folks, someone has finally done it. After all these decades... well, centuries, really... a business has found a way to break through all the advertising noise, to make all the overloaded, tuned-out consumers around them sit up and take notice, to come to the table when they're called, without having to bang a drum or shout over the constant dull roar of inferior pitchmen.

You may not, nay, almost certainly have not, yet gotten to see what I am about to reveal to you, as I am one of the elite few privy to the rare, twice-daily, special messages from the ritziest of the insanely enormous home-improvement stores, Lowes, a store in which I can't particularly remember the last time I thought about setting foot.

I, as a presumably-now-part-owner of "MyLowes", was just offered the once-in-a-lifetime chance to... wait for it... Get a SNEAK PEEK at their NEW COMMERCIAL!!!

Who wants to wait in line with the common horde for the chance to evaluate Lowes' latest evaluation of their own product offerings and pricing, when can't-miss line-jumping opportunities like this are available?? I can hardly even remember a time when I wasn't this kind of special.

Hopefully, someday, you too will be so lucky to ascend to the airy heights at which I'm now soaring.

19 October 2011

A conversation between M- and D-: Truth and Consequences

I'm not sure that there's a lesson to be found here in this conversation between my 7-year-old son D- and my 4-year-old daughter M- as they got ready for bed recently, but it is what it is, and I swear this really happened:

Me (to D-, who's given to sleeping shirtless solely to save himself seconds of time in the evenings and mornings): Get a shirt on, or you'll be sorry-- this morning you were huddled up in a freezing ball again.

M- (gleefully butting in): He should have "CONsequences", Dad!

D- (seeming to have temporarily forgotten his deep familiarity with this word): What?

M- (in a rational, expository tone, with only a slight hint of smugness toward the end): Consequences-- you have to sleep with no shirt, and you're very cold. That's "consequences" of what you did.

D-: BANG! Two socks in the face-- that's YOUR consequences!

You may enjoy my previous M- conversations, D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.

14 October 2011

A conversation with M-: The letter of the law

Here's a puzzling conversation I just had with my 4-year-old daughter M-, as she hit the home stretch in her quest to write out the whole alphabet.

Me (singing a portion of the song, since I couldn't bear to sing it all again for the 50th time): And the next letter is.. Q, R, S; T, U...

M-: Vee!

Me: That's right, now write that down.

M- (hesitating at the paper): Uhhhh...

Me: It's like the U, but pointy on the bottom, like this: (writing in the air)

M-: ...

Me: Remember... it's like an upside-down A, without a line across the middle?

M-: Oh! Like a V!

You may enjoy my previous M- conversations, (7YO son) D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.