31 July 2010

Amusing searches, Vol. 9

Here are more of the most amusing searches that brought people here recently, ones so odd they don't really need a theme beyond that.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)

douche storm (Pierrelatte, France) - Since the word "douche" sounds Frenchy (and the concept seems like a French idea, frankly), I'm pretty sure it means the same thing to you as it does to me... in which case I just have to run this search myself to see what comes up. Maybe it's some kind of new kinky French thing? Or else some kind of frat initiation somewhere... say, Southern California?

fatal orgasm (Bedford, UK) - Hey, I thought I invented that! Wow, you learn something new every day... I've now decided the central tenet of my living will. Why merely pull the plug on someone when you could instead pull something else to send them away so much... less clinically?

amelia earhart homosexual (Vancouver, WA) - As has now been clearly established, she could only have been a homosexual if the objects of her affection were carefully woven of magical thread.

pictures of iguana poop (Plymouth, UK) - Sorry, no pictures. Just the facts, ma'am.

why people don't like nervous people (Birmingham, UK) - If I knew that, I wouldn't spend so many nights crying myself to sleep, buddy.

loving things to write in an anniversary card to your parents (Winterville, GA) - Oh, I don't know, how about something like:

Dearest Mother and Father,
Everything I feel about you, I found through a Google search.
Happy Anniversary! ...and stuff...
Somebody else loves their parents very much.

Not That Person

Percentage of students with herpes at Northeastern University (Stow, MA) - Hmmmm... these days? I'm gonna say 60%.

29 July 2010

A conversation with D-: Nitpicking is genetic

The following snippet of a larger conversation with my 6-year-old son D- is twofold evidence that he is undoubtedly my son:

Me (advising him externally and myself internally): ...Whenever something seems like it's going to be hard, you just quit before you even start.

D-: No, I don't! I START things, and when it seems hard, THEN I quit.

You may enjoy my previous D- conversations, (3YO daughter) M- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.

17 July 2010

Classic quotes, Vol. 26 - M- edition

Here are some recent quotes, this time just from my 3-year-old daughter M-:

M- (in response to helpful advice from her 6-year-old brother D- during a game with dolls): I know-- I'm careful with babies. ...But sometimes I bop them.

M- (shouting at D-, on more than one occasion): I'm NOT going to MARRY you anyMORE!

M- (apropos of nothing, while playing outside): My kids, when I have them, will have to work all day.

M- (using the The Tattling Voice): D- is tattling on me!

M- (having just walked up to me, using a conversational tone): I threw my baby in the dungeon, because at the rate she was going? She was going to JAIL. At the rate she was going...

M- (informing us of a little bit of obscure trivia): You know what chicken is made from? ... It's chickens!