24 October 2011

Corporate intelligence: A new Lowe

Well folks, someone has finally done it. After all these decades... well, centuries, really... a business has found a way to break through all the advertising noise, to make all the overloaded, tuned-out consumers around them sit up and take notice, to come to the table when they're called, without having to bang a drum or shout over the constant dull roar of inferior pitchmen.

You may not, nay, almost certainly have not, yet gotten to see what I am about to reveal to you, as I am one of the elite few privy to the rare, twice-daily, special messages from the ritziest of the insanely enormous home-improvement stores, Lowes, a store in which I can't particularly remember the last time I thought about setting foot.

I, as a presumably-now-part-owner of "MyLowes", was just offered the once-in-a-lifetime chance to... wait for it... Get a SNEAK PEEK at their NEW COMMERCIAL!!!

Who wants to wait in line with the common horde for the chance to evaluate Lowes' latest evaluation of their own product offerings and pricing, when can't-miss line-jumping opportunities like this are available?? I can hardly even remember a time when I wasn't this kind of special.

Hopefully, someday, you too will be so lucky to ascend to the airy heights at which I'm now soaring.


unmitigated me said...

I think you just solidified my holiday plans, Mr. Literal. How can I NOT bask in that kind of reflected glory?

Mary said...

Lowe's is closing stores. Maybe not enough people are considered special enough to get a sneak peek at what they can BUY there.

Sarah L said...

It is a world of marketing in which we live, je crois.
Sneak peeks at commercials -- really working hard to get attention.

But you are always some kind of special, Literal Dan.