31 January 2011

One-item lists, Vol. 3

Most inconvenient things about my wife getting a Caesarean section
1. I wasn't allowed to make her laugh for several weeks. I really have no idea how else to interact with her.

Reasons I don't want my wife using my side of the bed as a storage area when I'm not there
1. Because I get to find in it lovely treasures like, say, the shriveled stump of an infant's umbilical cord lying next to the used tissue in which it was allegedly once loosely contained.*

The kinds of ways I count my blessings
1. The snow didn't blow around and drift waist-high like usual during a recent windstorm here... thanks to the preceding hours of heavy rain freezing everything solid.

Proof that "ladylike" tendencies don't kick in until after age 6
1. (Female classmate of my son's, apropos of nothing in the hallway one morning during a schoolwide Norovirus epidemic): Destiny, I wasn't in school yesterday! ...Yeah, I pooped in the car, so...

How I can tell my daughter may be the ultimate Anti-Vegetarian
1. Nothing has changed since I posted this. My 4-year-old daughter M- recently smiled between mouthfuls of ham roll-ups and said, "Since I watched Babe today, I was in the mood for ham! ...Because pigs make ham."

* And let me tell you, the only thing more shocking than finding such an item is realizing that you were able to identify it, completely out of context, in under 10 seconds.


cardiogirl said...

AUUGGHHH! On the umbilical cord. I *hated* waiting for that thing to fall off particularly because I wanted to just yank it off when it was close but still holding on.

And of course my kid wasn't tough enough to shake it off once I did so I had to wait and wait.

Gah, did I mention how much I hated that thing?

unmitigated me said...

I'm thinking J- is missing a snow day or two because she's on leave. That blows as badly as the snow.

Russ said...

Item number 2, yuck. I hated that part of babies.

My wife is up in Indy this week. Not a happy camper.

Mary said...

M- would do well on a working farm. She could raise her pig or cow for her 4H project and then happily eat it.

beth said...

The ham statement is a all-time classic. I love it. Out of the mouth of Babes! (had to say it)