Classic quotes, Vol. 35

Here are the latest memorable quotes from my 5-year-old daughter M-, my 7-year-old son D-, and my 1-year-old son E- that I've managed to remember or write down:

M- (referring to the snowman she was mentally designing, for her preschool homework): And his name will be "Ho-Wrecker"!

Kid at school (amazed, watching E- doing a victory lap with a basketball he found): Whoa! That baby can WALK!

M- (after being asked an obvious question, before I reached in to turn on the fan): ...No. I'm sweating, but I'm not pooping. ... I'm sweating!

D- (after we were talking about dogs and wolves eating grass): THAT'D be cool, to see a wolf throw up.


M- (approximately 10 minutes after first regretting asking me why February 29 is a special day): ...Oh..... 

Product review: Waxelene

Sincerity Alert: The following is an ever-rare, completely sincere post, inspired by my very positive experience with a new product I was lucky enough to sample for free (my only compensation).

I've been offered at least a thousand products for review in the last few years, most of them either not something I'd ever be interested in, or not something YOU'D ever be interested in.

But, thankfully for me, I dutifully open and read at least the first line of each offer, and because of this, I discovered a product called Waxelene, which does everything petroleum jelly does without being made from oil.

It was always kind of a mystery to me how products like Vaseline went from black sludge in the ground to that familiar colorless, odorless, impenetrable paste, despite my repeated review of the Wikipedia article on the subject.

But its origins seem clear whenever I get the stuff somewhere I don't want it, not the least of which is the tips of my fingers. I guess I'm funny like that, but I just can't stand that feeling of having sticky or greasy stuff on my fingers that I can't get off.

After using it for several months, and sharing it with my family and my wife's co-workers, it seems that Waxelene solves that problem. While it effectively seals your skin as you'd expect, it does so without feeling oily, so I don't have to get creative in trying to apply it without losing the ability to touch anything for an hour or two. On top of all the performance benefits, it's made from (among other things) beeswax*, so it smells a bit like honey when first applied.

I've heard it's also good for removing makeup, but obviously I have no idea on that score, and since my wife isn't big on most makeup, I haven't seen it in action there yet. Another important area where Waxelene definitely gets bonus points from me is that it's an all-natural and organic product, which even comes in a glass jar with a metal lid, instead of plastic.

Overall, my review would be 5 out of 5 stars-- I love it, my wife loves it, my kids love it,** and I haven't heard any complaints or criticism from anyone else so far, several months along.

Just like Vaseline, a jar of this stuff goes a long way,*** but with all the uses we've found for the samples I was sent, I'm sure we'll be looking for it in stores a lot sooner than I would have thought. It's currently available at Whole Foods, along with many other non-chain stores, as well as through the Waxelene Web site.


Editor's Note: If you've read this far, dutifully waiting for a joke, I hate to disappoint you. If you'd like, you can always pass the time re-reading my less sincere Book Reviews that seem so popular to Google searchers.

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* Don't worry, it isn't any of yours.

 ** They really do-- they now ask for it by name, most of all when they're lying in bed trying to think of a reason not to lay still and go to sleep, and they suddenly realize they have dry skin somewhere that needs urgent attention.

*** Our current Vaseline was bought during my college class in Ireland, spring 2003...

A conversation with M-: We're all important in our own way

Pretend I'm more on-the-ball and it's still Valentine's Day, and enjoy this then-appropriate conversation I had awhile back with my now-5-year-old daughter M-, when she saw just how many yogurts I'd picked up at the store while she was at school:

M- (joking, with an incredible amount of enthusiasm, while standing at the fridge): Wow! The Mom yogurts made a LOT of baby yogurts!

Me: Oh? All by themselves?

M- (without a trace of doubt): Yes!

Me (foolishly playing with fire, for my own amusement): Without any help from Daddy yogurts?

M-: No. (thinking twice) Well, a LITTLE help, maybe. They help do stuff like carry heavy things, and pack up the clothes for them, and stuff. (taking the opportunity to drop another hint of a present idea) Like their roooooooobes...

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You may enjoy my previous M- conversations, (7YO son) D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.