09 September 2009

Amusing searches, Vol. 2

Here are more of the most amusing searches that brought people here recently, this time a batch of private-part related questions and statements.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered.)

attack of the one eyed monster - Please allow me to disillusion you... I think "attack" is really an unfair world. He's usually very friendly, though perhaps occasionally a bit overeager.

I went pee in toilet and someone else's urine touched my vagina - From, wait for it... Regina*, Saskatchewan.

can you get an STD from someone else's urine splashing onto your vagina - This was the very next day after the last one, from the same person, and seeing that made me wish I could somehow scream across the Internet, "No, you fool!"

vaginal wash chimpanzee what is a experiment - I have no idea what would prompt this search, nor what I'd have to offer on this front, but suddenly I have an urge to check up on whoever is in charge of washing our nation's strategic supply of chimpanzee vaginas.

orangutan ass picture - Only the finest quality product do I offer to you, dear readers. And now we've added yet another satisfied customer from Wroclaw, Poland.**

"he's too pretty for his own good" - I'm impressed that my reputation has stretched as far as Kiel, Germany, but I'm not entirely surprised.

Sure, you might say, this one doesn't really involve private parts, per se, but I've included it here because whenever you think about how pretty I am, honestly, don't yours just get a nice, warm tingle?

i keep catching my 4 year old son plays with his penis - This is one of those searches that clearly telegraphs the gender of the searcher.

And my question for her is as follows: Is your problem that you keep catching him doing it? 'Cause if you're looking for him to stop entirely, you've got a long line to get behind, and that line starts with the females of something even simpler than a squirrel monkey.

* Pronounced, of course, "Reh-JI-na".

** I get searches for orangutan pictures every single day, and sometimes as many as 5 in one day, just because of that one post months ago. Who knew??


Irrational Dad said...

Oh poor Regina. You know she's freaked when her search spans two days.

I received two strange searches this week.... "poopshooting pictures", and "weird things to do with mmy pennis".

Of course, when I see stuff like this, I immediately search it myself because I HAVE TO KNOW what they were hoping to find. Bad Idea.

unmitigated me said...

Maybe the male orangutans have computers and are doing their version of porn searches.

Ron said...

Hey, whatever it takes to drive traffic. You're a SEO master to use orangutans.

Mama Dawg said...

Chimpanzees, vaginas and Poland.

Wow, that's really.....random.

Anonymous said...

I seem to only get folks looking for whoppie cushions these days. It's becoming my orangutan.

Midwest Mom said...

Are you sure Regina didn't *also* do the chimpanzee vagina wash search??

Seems to me, that poor girl has some issues.

And as for your searcher looking for answers to the 4yo playing banjo with his bits... all I can say is, he's just making sure everything's in working order, lady. Relax. Consider it a 'diagnostic check'.

- Julia

Mary said...

Lots of urine posts in your collection?

Krystal said...

All I can say is that you seem to be a very well rounded writer with much international interest. That or that people are just weird and these search engines just don't know what they are doing.

Dawn said...

Can you tell me how to do this? How to track what got someone to your blog? I'm curious to follow my own.

kali said...

God, that is too funny. I love it. The most popular search I get is "blubbery babes in bikinis" but that certainly does not beat your reader from Saskatchewan :)

Aunt Juicebox said...

It was that whole golden raisins thing, I just know it.

I bet Regina already has an std, and is trying to find a way to justify how she got it to her significant other.