31 July 2010

Amusing searches, Vol. 9

Here are more of the most amusing searches that brought people here recently, ones so odd they don't really need a theme beyond that.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)

douche storm (Pierrelatte, France) - Since the word "douche" sounds Frenchy (and the concept seems like a French idea, frankly), I'm pretty sure it means the same thing to you as it does to me... in which case I just have to run this search myself to see what comes up. Maybe it's some kind of new kinky French thing? Or else some kind of frat initiation somewhere... say, Southern California?

fatal orgasm (Bedford, UK) - Hey, I thought I invented that! Wow, you learn something new every day... I've now decided the central tenet of my living will. Why merely pull the plug on someone when you could instead pull something else to send them away so much... less clinically?

amelia earhart homosexual (Vancouver, WA) - As has now been clearly established, she could only have been a homosexual if the objects of her affection were carefully woven of magical thread.

pictures of iguana poop (Plymouth, UK) - Sorry, no pictures. Just the facts, ma'am.

why people don't like nervous people (Birmingham, UK) - If I knew that, I wouldn't spend so many nights crying myself to sleep, buddy.

loving things to write in an anniversary card to your parents (Winterville, GA) - Oh, I don't know, how about something like:

Dearest Mother and Father,
Everything I feel about you, I found through a Google search.
Happy Anniversary! ...and stuff...
Somebody else loves their parents very much.

Not That Person

Percentage of students with herpes at Northeastern University (Stow, MA) - Hmmmm... these days? I'm gonna say 60%.


unmitigated me said...

Two posts within a few days?

Who are you and what have you done with Dan?

I prefer death by chocolate to death by orgasm. But that's just me.

Hmelrt's Mistress said...

Douche Storm - I immediately envision 1000s of sterotypical douchey guys storming the beach... which it's summer, so that's probably happening right now up and down the coastline.

People in the Sun said...

The herpes Googler probably has herpes by now. How sad!

Father Knows (Travis) Best said...

Pictures of Iguana Poop sounds, sadly, like the name of a rock band that simply can't come up with anything original that makes sense.

Sarah L said...

hey -- prendre une douche means shower or take a shower. All those weird meanings are American uses of an ordinary word.

Irrational Dad said...

Oh, all the times I've blankly stared at a greeting card, trying to think up something witty or sentimental to write inside... And I could have just taken my dilemma to Google? Or LiteralDan!?!

I will never get those wasted hours back.

Now, I'm off to google to find "witty things to comment on blog posts".

dentist wakefield said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

My partner and I really enjoyed reading this blog post, I was just itching to know do you trade featured posts? I am always trying to find someone to make trades with and merely thought I would ask.

LiteralDan said...

Nope, I don't. Other than frivolous guest posts for or from friends, of course --nothing to do with money or traffic-- sorry!