31 October 2010

One-item lists, Vol. 2

Things not to say to your pregnant mother
1. D- (in response to J-'s comment that a ground squirrel looked especially fat): "Probably, it's the mom."

Things that are only slightly more fun than a spontaneous, unsedated colonscopy
1. Talking politics with old men from the country during a recession.

Unsolvable mysteries of the universe
1. My wife couldn't care less that I finally acquired some Bacon Salt to sample... This is a woman who would gladly wrap each piece of her breakfast cereal in bacon if only it wasn't so time-consuming.

Things that seem like they must be made up, but are not
1. The head of the Skoll Urgent Threats Fund, formerly head of Google's philanthropic arm, is named Dr. Brilliant. Dr. Larry Brilliant. It just seems like he's showing off every time he signs his name. Can you imagine how ecstatic his dad and mom must be? They would be, respectively, Captain and Professor Brilliant, Lord and Lady of Nerdlingshire.

Things that are ruined by rescheduling for the convenience of adults
1. Halloween. Free the 'Ween, suburbia! I hope you're having a great one today, and that you'll get out there and get you some candy (with hired orphans, if you haven't yet made your own candy-bait organ grinder monkeys) regardless of what your town or church might have declared about when or where you should be pounding on your neighbors' doors, demanding candy in exchange for their peace and security.


Father Knows (Travis) Best said...

Free the 'Ween likely will become the nationally recognized motto for both ardent Halloween enthusiasts and supporters of early breastfeeding weening.

Irish Gumbo said...

I'm thinking of getting an air cannon equipped with a motion sensor. Whenever someone gets close enough, BOOM! and they are showered with "Fun Size" candy shrapnel. Below injury-inducing muzzle velocity, of course.

Russ said...

The old men from the country are on TV here! In '08 they were telling us to vote Obama, now they are telling us to vote Republican.

Mary said...

I think I'll change my last name to Wise. I like wise better than brilliant because wise knows what to do with brilliance.

Shannon said...

Why does everything taste better with bacon? You gotta let me know if that salt works...

Free the 'Ween. Awesome.

Kate said...

I found your blog as a recommendation from Google Reader. I love your site! I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!

Burgh Baby said...

I'm completely confused by this bacon salt thing. I mean, I know it's not *real* bacon, but if she likes bacon, bacon salt should be like a gift from the pork gods. WEIRD!