Amusing searches, Vol. 12

Here are more of the most amusing searches that brought people here recently, this time all dealing with parenting concerns.

(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)

• 10 yr old daughter likes to be naked (Toledo, OH) - You're in for a long couple of years, my friend. Good luck.

• I keep losing my patience with my 3 year old (Milton, Ontario) - That's because they're infuriating little bastards, just like you were when you were three. It's a charming part of our core to which we all return whenever we're feeling cranky, even in our golden years. You'll have your revenge!

• baby onesies that say my daddy is an obsessive bastard (Bradford, PA) - Hey... that hurts.

• help for the stay at home dad with the ungrateful wife (Palm Desert, CA) - I only wish I had some way of helping you, sir, but I've never been able to solve this particular problem for myself. Don't worry, though (face held dramatically in hand) I'll get along, somehow...

• I am at home and not busy (Kerava, Finland) - I am quite jealous and borderline homicidal.

• personal hygiene for kids (New Delhi, India) - I think it says it all that when you searched this term, it took you to a post about orangutans.

A conversation with M-: The little things matter most

The following is a conversation I had with my 3-year-old daughter M- recently, while passing the time before preschool by reading her feather on the class turkey of things for which the kids are thankful.

Me: You're thankful for lollipops?? That's what you're most thankful for?

M-: Yes!

Me: Not your family, or something?

M-: I'm thankful for lollipops AND my family!

Me: In that order?

M-: Yes!

(Note that all of her lines purposefully end in exclamation points... that's just the way she talks.)*

In case I don't see you all before next week, happy Thanksgiving!

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* Except for when she's bossing people around in a quiet, threatening way, instead of her usual loud, outraged way.

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You may enjoy my previous M- conversations, (6YO son) D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.

Things that amuse me, Vol. 5

Here are some more of the things that have been amusing or intriguing me lately:

1. You can never fully understand how unbelievably irritating a person you are until you get the chance to closely observe your clonelike child at the peak of his/her powers.

2. I think Siemens should really rethink the tagline they used in a radio commercial: The men work for Siemens. (Note: This is actually general advice for any company whose name sounds like "semen".) Maybe this adjustment in compensation substance is how they're weathering the ongoing economic crisis?

3. Either my son's really going to get extra credit for bringing to school a bag of candy for the class reward jar, or the world's greatest 6-year-old criminal mastermind just pulled off another flawless heist.

(No matter what, he's going to enjoy his bus ride home.)

4. Yahoo has an ad encouraging me to store my contacts' birthdays along with their e-mail addresses, so I can get a reminder when the date approaches. The ad features a woman with her face hidden (in shame?) behind a balloon, along with the headline, "You remembered!"

That's right, kids! Now you, too, can deceive your friends into believing they matter more to you than they really do, just like celebrities with personal assistants have been doing for years!

5. While talking up my productivity (both in my work from home and my work around the house) to my wife one day, I noted that I'd already showered before 3pm. My 3-year-old daughter's immediate response --delivered in much the same way she would ask if she could go SEE Santa now that he landed in the yard and had been pleading for her to take a ride in his sleigh-- was to ask, "Can I SMELL you??!?"

Mayhaps I need to get on a more professional schedule even while working from home.