04 December 2010

Things that amuse me, Vol. 6

Given the amount of time that passes between posts, and the relative shallowness of those posts over the past year or more, you'd think I'd have more items for this list, but let's pretend I've spent weeks culling these priceless gems from a much more expansive list of nearly-as-high-quality material:

1.While trying to work my legs through some soreness one day, I tried to remember what over-the-top physical activity I'd engaged in the previous day that would have caused such a hearty ache, and then I remembered the sudden, severe, prolonged, multi-muscle leg cramps that assaulted me while sitting too long at the computer armed only with salty snacks and an empty water glass.*

2. Halloween is the opening "fuck you" from the universe to people really seriously beginning to think again about maybe starting to build mildly more healthy habits during the last quarter of the year.

3. You'd think that time served in pregnancy would enlighten women as to the daily struggles of men with freakishly large pot bellies, who aren't blessed with the comforting knowledge that without any planning or effort on their part, that belly will quickly and easily evacuate itself in under a year. Who ties their shoes, gives up seats, or just smiles warmly as they reach for a second family-sized ice cream sundae "for the baby"?

4. Not unlike heroin on a street corner, bacon and cinnamon roll samples at Costco sell themselves.

5. For good reason, people who know what they're doing when remodeling houses make firm plans and schedules (and order all materials) in advance of beginning the project. Actually, this isn't so much an "Amusing Thing" as a "Deep, Deep Regret and Bit of Hard-Earned Understanding".

* Technically, cramps exceeding 10 seconds count as physical activity.


Missives From Suburbia said...

If a man's moobs were so large they rested on his pot belly, and his pot belly were as hard as a rock and kicked back, I would definitely give up my seat for him. Definitely. (No doubt because I'd be trying to get away as quickly as possible.)

Sorry about the remodel.

Trooper Thorn said...

I would never eat in a restaurant that had someone like the Costco free sample guy cooking there, so why would I accept a cheese sample in a paper cup from him?

unmitigated me said...

Involuntary, isometric muscle flexion. Better name than cramp.

Russ said...

Truer words than #2 have not been spoken.

Irish Gumbo said...

Were the bacon and cinnamon rolls combined in a sample? 'Cause that would double-plus good, and may just start a riot!

Shannon said...

There's a difference between a pot belly and a pregnancy belly. While the pot belly may be a little more permanent, it doesn't come with an actual human being whose sole purpose is to kick the crap out of your bladder. Especially between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m.

Also? I'm now craving bacon.

Anonymous said...

J'ai appris des choses interessantes grace a vous, et vous m'avez aide a resoudre un probleme, merci.

- Daniel