15 May 2009

A conversation with M-: Some call me the Gangster of Nonsense

To continue my court-ordered hours of community service, I'm here today to offer any future parents out there a helpful glimpse into the life that awaits them, this time in the form of the kind of surreal conversations you can expect to have several times a day.

Note: The lines of my 2-year-old daughter M- here can be read with a tone similar to that of Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

M- (apropos of nothing, heading for a toilet break during breakfast): I like ducks.

Me (not yet awake enough to offer a more dynamic response): Good... They're nice.

M-: I need to wash my handseseses... (looking up from her hands) Gaaannngsterrrr. A "gangster" is a bad-guy. [Thanks, Tintin.]

Me: Yep. (picks a piece of oatmeal from her hair and flicks it into the bathroom garbage)

M- (with panicked outrage): Why did you throw my hair clip into the garbage?!?!?!

Me: ???!!!?!?

In her defense, oatmeal does tend to function as her most effective hairclip, staying in place for days at a time between baths.

Editor's Notes:

• "Not yet awake enough to offer a more dynamic response" should probably be my life's motto, and tattooed somewhere visible on my body.

• Congratulations to my sister Katie, who graduates from the great University of Illinois this weekend, joining my wife in the ranks of America's educators.

You may enjoy my previous M- conversations, (5YO son) D- conversations, and (wife) J- conversations.


Another Suburban Mom said...

Very cute! Its amazing how kids can go from one topic to the next at a speed that will give most adults whiplash.

Mama Dawg said...

It also makes for a great snack later in the day.

Christy said...

I always KNEW you were secretly a gangster!

Kori said...

I am having major hair issues these days-ever since Owen got too old to fling food and I haven't had to style with oatmeal. Methinks I should start using it again. Just holds so much better than aqua-net plus has the added benefits of no flourocarbons. Win-win, really.

Brittany said...

I was gonna be all like...awww...kids can be so random.

But, then I realzed I am totally craving a corndog with mustard.


Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Hey, LiteralDan?

I like penguins.

Jenny Grace said...

You should tattoo it on your neck! Unless I tattoo it on my neck first, and steal your tattoo. It's like stealing your baby name, only worse.

Goldfish said...

God, I'm behind on my reading.... My 4-yo swears that Cream of Wheat makes better hair gel than oatmeal. But liquid handsoap is the best of all. He's vain like that.