23 March 2008

Merry Eastermas

There's just nothing better to recognize the death and resurrection of your favorite savior than purchasing and consuming the very finest hard liquors available at what are quite simply the best prices in town, if the Easter Sale flyer I received from a local liquor store this week is any indication.

This just begs one multi-part question, for me-- since even winos deserve Easter excitement, I wonder if bourbon shots would leak out of those plastic Easter eggs, and if so, how big of a market would there be for watertight eggs intended for imbibing such spirits for the Lord? And if this market was to be capitalized, would there be a marked enough decrease in church attendance on Easter morning to warrant a much-sought condemnation from the Pope?

At our house, we'll leave this question rhetorical and stick with the candy in baskets. But then, I would posit that eating five eggs' worth of jelly beans at once could leave you in much the same state as taking an equal portion of booze. M-, for one, is definitely already drunk on the power of eagerly calling out "meh-whoa!" to get a mini marshmallow placed in her hand. Her judgment clouded, she decided this morning to steal D-'s egg of marshmallows and run to the other room to devour them as quickly as possible.

Even Ms. Chubbycheeks was clearly at maximum capacity by the time we found where she had gone to. But by the look on her face, she felt it was worth it. Luckily the Easter Bunny left the rest of the marshmallow bag in the cabinet...

One parting note; D- has already nailed down the spirit of Easter, and by extension Christmas-- he told M- she should climb back down off the stairs, as Daddy was demanding, because, "You should not do naughty things on Easter!" As an aside to my dad and me, as much as to continue his mentoring of his sister, he added, "You only do good things, so you can get stuff." I asked if that was what it was all about, and he confirmed that yes, yes it is.

So there you have it. Take that, Hokey Pokey!


Unknown said...


SM said...

Yep. That's it in a nutshell. Got the same speech from my daughter. And really, considering the Christian alternative explanation, I just went with it.

LiteralDan said...

Yeah it's hard to explain such concepts to a 3-year-old-- being good and expecting no reward, etc. etc.

Especially on the occasions when they are absolutely right to expect some reward, because otherwise how are you gonna explain that the Easter Bunny didn't think they were worthy of candy this year, or something.

"Well, yes, you will get stuff when you are good, but only when you're a kid and people want to teach you something. Once they think you've learned it, you'll start getting jack for your good deeds. So, have you learned it yet?"