As part of my continuing effort to get in better shape, I have become a shining model of Herculean restraint and admirable conscientiousness most of the time.
For example, yesterday I resisted the temptation to eat a leftover piece of cheesecake, and instead I fed it to my daughter (M-) for lunch. It was perfect, because I was too lazy to come up with something more creative or nutritious (as defined by "society" and so-called "nutrition experts"). Furthermore, I had to take a call from a market research company, so I was in no position to make much of anything at the time.
When my son (D-) asked innocently what it was that I was feeding her (it was broken up into a bunch of indistinguishable pieces) I told him honestly that it was "cheese stuff". I'm not sure this was the brightest move, because if there's one thing he likes more than desserts, or whatever is not being served at any given time, it's cheese.
Anyway, I took a break in feeding her to go get her dressed (again-- the temperature dropped precipitously), and D- went back to his lunch in the dining room. I feel compelled to break here and lay out my very brief thought process in deciding to feed M- this cheesecake:
• Cheesecake is made of cheese, and it has various other lunch-appropriate components in it.
• It was kind of old and sub-par (hence I decided it didn't make the cut for me, and I'd save myself for higher-quality indulgences), and thus it was not technically even a dessert anymore, in the traditional sense.
• Given how sweet all the jars of fruit M- eats are, and given her consistently high enjoyment in eating all things edible and non, I figured she wouldn't find this culinary experience particularly remarkable (thus setting a dangerous precedent).
• I didn't verbally identify it as cheesecake, or even as a dessert, so especially given the above facts, it definitely didn't count.
• I don't like to waste things, and I needed to get rid of this dessert, I mean lunch, as soon as possible.
What I didn't factor in was, though she may be a toddler, M- is also spiritually a woman, and that is why, during a lull in getting her clothes on, she pointed toward the kitchen and called out, "Mmm, cake! Cake!!" (pronounced "geek"). I now believe, though further research is needed, that the Cheesecake/Chocolate Recognition Gene is carried in separate halves on the X chromosome, and only in women are the two halves allowed to reach their full potential.
Threatening to confound this theory, though more likely explained by personal experience, D- then asked aimlessly from his seat why M- would be calling out "cake", much in the way that Columbo would ask a nervous doctor why exactly he had to come back to the clinic at such a late hour one fateful night.
I said, "I dunno, I guess she just wants cake, and she remembers how yummy it is, or something" (sounding very much like D- himself usually does).
He coolly responded, without looking at me, "She probably wants some more of that cheesecake, probably." The extra "probably" was delivered with a tone meant to demonstrate that I should assume he knows what's going on at all times, even when he doesn't let on as much, and thus I should never bother trying to fool him again.
I burst out laughing-- I can only hold a straight face 80% of the day. I asked him what made him think it was cheesecake, and he said, dropping character in shock at my losing control, "I don't know... I just know that-- my brain told it to me because I'm very smart, from those nuts." (The latter claim based on my explanation of some of the benefits of the walnut pieces I had sprinkled on his oatmeal that morning.)
So, to sum up-- I am a saint; women may have actually been split from man-shaped cheesecakes by Zeus, explaining their misguided seeking of human mates when they really have a deeper appreciation of cheesecake; and boys are smart because of their nuts.
