18 June 2008

Potential book titles, Vol. 1

Here are a select few titles of stirring fiction and nonfiction books I might write, should I ever get my act together:

Put That Down: I Won't Tell You Again

When Did The Car Horn Replace The Doorbell? Or, More Proof Americans May Be The Laziest People In The History Of The Planet

Confessions Of Someone Who Wants To Make A Bunch Of Money Selling A Book With 'Confessions' In The Title

Everybody's Stupid Except For Me: Claims I Refuse To Allow To Be Refuted By My Life Experience

I Don't Like Poop, But I Like Sleep: Reasons I Sometimes Regret Having Children


Anonymous said...

I think those would be best sellers. Which are fiction?

Kori said...

Love the first and the last the best. You might be onto something here. My personal favorite would be: "It Is Really Going to Hurt Every Time You Do That"

Rikki said...

The last one is classic! Although the second-to-last one seems to have a "Literal Dan" feel to it ;)!

Tink said...

I can't decide which I like better. Perhaps if there were some covers to judge by? ;)

andrea said...

These are hilarious! Having come out the other side of the small child experience (I hope you do this again when your kids are in their early teens!) I can totally relate, but I especially like the Confessions one.

Kevin McKeever said...

When does the confessions book come out? I'm all over it.

Natalie said...

you can put me down for one of each of them. i'll preorder.

MsPicketToYou said...

"Confessions..." will be the next read in my book group.

Anonymous said...

Now that's why I just adore your blog. Truth + a little smartass = really funny for me.

Let us just hope your book doesn't end up in the bargin bin with my son's memoir "I Killed My Mom Over Naked Internet Photos of Me"

Mama Dawg said...

Let me know when they come out. I'll post up a link to the check out at Amazon over on my blog. LOL!

Dad Stuff said...

I have the same opinion of poop and sleep.

Anonymous said...

The poop v. sleep thing - they should warn you about that.

And I've had onversations just like that with my kids.

SherE1 said...

I love the last one. Why DID I have kids again?

LiteralDan said...

Mary: I think any of them could probably go either way, but the first and third seems most promising as fiction.

Kori: I like that one a lot, and I can totally identify-- you should make a list

Rikki: Why, whatever do you mean, madame?

Tink: Oh I wish I had the time to be so creative, cause that would be fun

andrea: I like this enough to just do it continuously, but I can very much picture a resurgence of material as the kids moved became preteens.

Always Home and Uncool: I've got to let suspense build. You don't just push a lousy Confessions book out there-- that would be ridiculous, and a clearly desperate moneymaking scheme. And that's not what I'm all about.

At least not the actual making of money part, obviously.

Natalie: Sweet! They are $500 each. Before you gasp, the US dollar has dropped in value by about 50% since the time you left for Turkey.

Ms Picket To You: I think demand for this Confessions book may just be enough to pull it out of the ether.

MamaNeena: Only a little smartass? Oh, my friend, that means you aren't reading deeply enough. I am ALL smartass.

Mama Dawg: Hmmm... I guess I owe you for your glowing review of my blog, so I can allow you to take a commission for some of my book sales. Apparently, you'll want to make room on most of your page for "Confessions..." ads, because you will make a killing.

Dad Stuff: I want to find the person who loves poop and hates sleep.

On second thought, no I don't.

citizen of the world: But They never will warn you, because They want you to have more and more kids. Then they just laugh once you're trapped.

SherE1: Unfortunately, the baby store has the strictest "no returns" policy out there.