23 June 2008

Developments at our house, Vol. 8

Here, at long last, are some more developments at our house in recent weeks:

1. M- decided one day to wake up at 6:30 in the morning because she had dropped her pacifier and leaked through her diaper. She wasn't at all bothered by waking up so early, but she did show signs of willingness to go back to sleep, so like a fool, I took her back into my room and laid her next to me in bed. She looked like she was drifting off, but then she made sure I knew it was NOT sleeping time by pointing to my closed right eye and saying, "Eye!" in an apparently loving memory. She then played it off as a coincidence by running through nose, mouth, ear, and hair, oblivious to the fact that I was pretending to be asleep.

2. My mom discovered that of course D- knows the word "touchous", because J- has long aspired to be an old Jewish lady. She was oddly proud after an awkward conversation at work revealed that a whole bunch of people thought she was Jewish for the entire first half of the year.

3. I discovered a new level of 4-year-old giggles by describing to D- why his breath smells like "poo-poo" in the morning. I'll give you a hint-- it involved personifying and demonstrating the consumption and excretory practices of a typical bacterium.

4. M- decided it's great fun to head-butt piles of Multi-Grain Cheerios, because that hint of brown sugar reacts with supple baby skin to make at least several of them stick to her forehead until they are picked off. Making D- laugh is, as always, just icing on the cake.

5. M- has decided that kissing your food before eating it makes it taste better. Also, all food headed for your mouth on a spoon should be blown upon as hard as possible, preferably at the last possible second, so all that scaldingly cold cereal/vegetables will safely spray all over the room and away from your tender mouth.

6. I found out that my spaghetti is apparently so terrible that a 4-year-old will feign tiredness and beg for a nap to avoid having to eat it for lunch.

7. M- has found, like D- before her, that it's okay to hit people as long as you say "Five!" before you do so.


Anonymous said...

I always say "five" right before I hit people too. It works everytime.

BTW--I will send you some of the links I found to the writing contests some time tomorrow (I'll be kid-free for a few hours, yay!)

Kevin McKeever said...

I need to try the kissing the food thing first with the Things. If you kiss it, you must love it. If you love it, you can't spit it out on the floor and yell "DIS-GUS-TING."

Hmmm, wonder if that works with spouses, too?

Anonymous said...

As always, your memory for the goings-on of your household astound me!

Thanks, by the way, for entering the free chocolate contest at Sweet Life. I'll be announcing the winner tomorrow!

Meg said...

Um, doesn't everyone headbutt their Cheerios? I thought it was normal practice in the civilized world.

Swirl Girl said...

#7 cracked me up!

thanks for that!


in my kids' say the darndest things category....
tonite I served the favorite meal of hot dogs, pickles, tater tots and carrot sticks. I only had the 'big' hot dogs and not the smaller 'franks' that my girls usually enjoy. Em says "only the big ones tonight mom?" and Rachel says "the bigger the dog, the more doggity dog goodness!"

Anonymous said...

It's amazing the excuses they come up with for things. I should try that 'five' thing next time I feel like smacking someone...I may just get away with it!

Kori said...

I must be the only one who doean't "get" the "five" thing. And my two year old just goes around gratuitously hitting people-he doesn't care if he gets away with it or not!

Natalie said...

my 8 year old still hits people. well mostly only her 10 year old brother. or the 12 year old brother. and sometimes they hit her back. you would think she would learn. sigh.

Mama Dawg said...

At least she gives warning.

SherE1 said...

I'll have to try the kissing of the food to see if it really DOES make it taste better.

My baby boy likes to blow raspberries as soon as I put food into his mouth. I HATE having to wear protective goggles when I feed him!

LiteralDan said...

Christy: Of course, what would the person possibly have to complain about? "I SAID 'Five', didn't I?"

(And thanks for sending those)

Always Home and Uncool: You sound like someone who's never had a torrid love/hate relationship. You may end up with food thrown on the floor with even more virulent exclamations, before the kids pick it back up, apologize, kiss it again, and eat it. I guess the end result is the goal, though, right?

Andrea's Sweet Life: I've always had a ridiculously thorough memory to torment me with its completeness.

Thank YOU for the free chocolate! I love blog contests-- I've been on a hot streak.

MadWoman: Of course we all do-- I was just noting it because she finally learned how to properly eat her Cheerios.

Swirl Girl: You're welcome-- she tries her darndest.

You should offer to sell the rights to that slogan to one of the big hot dog companies (or maybe Snoop Dogg), because you could make a killing.

MamaNeena: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work for parents, but it might learn 'em a thing or two. Another tip-- you can always tell someone there was a bug on them after you hit them, but that only works if you hit them somewhere they can't see well, and if you limit yourself to doing it once a day per person.

Kori: He's graduated to a black belt, I suppose. You have my sympathies.

Natalie: At least she's putting her hitting to good use, and learning valuable lessons in return. You just have to find a way to harness her anger to hit the bigger kids when they're being awful and could use a good smackin'-to.

Mama Dawg: Try telling yourself that when you're rubbing your cheek after a 1-year-old just put you in your place.

SherE1: It must, I tell you. It helps to personify the food before kissing it, then forget its adopted humanity before biting it to pieces.

I've gotten many an eating-raspberry in my time, and let me tell you I'm not a fan. The result is only a little worse than blowing on the spoon at the last second.

Anonymous said...

"...it involved personifying and demonstrating the consumption and excretory practices of a typical bacterium."

You MUST recreate this and post the video! Pleeeeeeease. It would be the best post ever*.

*To me, your microbiologist reader.

LiteralDan said...

Hey there, are you really a microbiologist? If so, you could probably do a better job than me.

But still, I'll think about it, because D- certainly seemed to enjoy it a lot. Okay, I did, too.

Anonymous said...

I am indeed paid to play with bacteria, and I'm even a student member of the American Society for Microbiology (this all of course is not nearly as cool/impressive as it sounds). I could possibly do a more accurate job but given that this is for hilarity's sake you would do a much better job, especially since you have little helpers =).

LiteralDan said...

You can't tell people these things aren't as impressive as they sound-- that ruins the effect (and with it, much of the purpose of joining such societies).

I think if I can secure significant enough financial backing for this film, I will definitely hire you as my technical adviser.

The Microblogologist said...

ASM is impressive, my being a member of it not so impressive since I don't have the time nor funding to go to the big annual microbiology geek fest. This year it was in Boston, next year it will be in Philly, I was hoping for Chicago.

I'd love to be your technical adviser, then I can ride your coattails to fame!

LiteralDan said...

If you find any coattails back there, let me know. Cause they sure aren't pushin' me anywhere, any more than I'm dragging them.

Maybe having them would inspire me to go somewhere so you can ride them.