02 June 2008

Classic quotes, Vol. 3

Check out the Dad Blog Carnival at Discovering Dad, where yours truly is featured for my Joy of caprice post of a few weeks ago.

Here are more things heard around our house recently:

D- (to our landlord): Bye! ...love you!

Me (to M-): Show me the money! (She was calling out "mon-nee, mon-nee" yet again, and I wanted to make sure she hadn't found a penny to swallow.)

D- (playing Connect 4): I want to make my own four-in-a-row here, so don't go in this row, okay?

Me: Please don't blow your nose on my clothes.

J-: Hish the push up!!! (during MarioKart-- meaning unclear... possibly "Push the up button")

Me: Keep your feet off the tablecloth, please.

D-: What is Daddy doing with my purse? (I was putting away an old camera bag full of Hot Wheels...)

Me (at a farm this weekend): M-, get your face away from the cow's butt, please.


Anonymous said...

My son has a thing for bracelets...can he store them in your son's purse??

Mama Dawg said...

In my house, it's usually, (insert cat's name here) get your butt out of light of my life's face.

She's pretty much licked the whole put her face in animal's rear end thing.

Anonymous said...

My favorite is D professing his love to the landlord. I laughed about that one for a good minute and a half! :)

Kori said...

Hm, I could have a list to rival yours, ha ha. Like, "Honey, your baby brother's penis is not a toy. If you need to play with one play with your own!" Or, my personal favorite, "Um, it really isn't a good idea to play ON THE ROOF while I am gone." Yeah.

Momo Fali said...

You're just not a parent without making comments about staying away from cow butts.

family affairs said...

Great lines....congratulations to you too - you need to update your blog and put WINNER - well done. You're right about me needing a separate category.

TentCamper said...

Love your blog! This sound too familliar.
Yesturday as I was walking to the front door, our 9 year old was laying on the floor, arms and legs spread wide, just taring at the cieling. I looked at her and said, "what are you doing" She, without looking at me repied, "I am the floor...why would you talk to the floor?" Then shook her had as if I were the crazy one.

LiteralDan said...

MamaNeena: I don't know if there'd be any room, what with all the toys and doll paraphenalia already in there at any given time.

Mama Dawg: Your use of the word "licked" in that context is at once appropriate, disgusting, and hilarious.

Christy: Yeah we laughed pretty hard, and the landlord didn't really know how to respond, other than to smile and say "Bye" again.

Kori: You should make that list! They're a lot of fun. Sounds like you have a good start-- I'm not sure what to tell M- when she does the same thing to her brother (in the tub or wherever else it might come up), since she doesn't have one of her own, except to say "That's not polite."

MomoFali: Indeed, I couldn't believe it. She was climbing up a little fence really fast while the cow moved slowly so its butt was right by the fence. That somehow didn't deter her from continuing to climb as I reached over, and then going so far as to lean in towards the cow. All I could picture was some low-brow comedy scene involving bovine intestinal afflictions.

family affairs: Thanks! Done, and done. You should petition for that special category for next year.

TentCamper: That's funny-- I can picture the look of disgust and it cracks me up. You have to think outside the box to survive.

Candid Carrie said...

Think of it this way, Mr. Literal. It is not the fault of the child that they are literally at eye level with a cow's butt.

Sure, get your red sharpie and correct by grammar. I double cow butt dare you.

KatBouska said...

Hi, I just linked over from Mama Dawg's blog and am checkin' you out for the first time. I am usually leary of male bloggers, but I've come to the conclusion that you might be safe...I don't think they give awards to pedophiles, so comment away I will!

LiteralDan said...

Carrie: Oh, at her age, she had to climb up the fence to get towards that taste sensation. If I get my red sharpie out, my wife will kill me for ruining the computer screen again.

Kathy: Glad to have you here, and certainly glad Mama Dawg wrote such kind things about me today!

I believe there is a Best Pedophile category, but I don't think people usually display that badge.

Hope to see you around again!

Natalie said...

classic! really. the fun things they say never stop. i don't even have little ones anymore, but mine still crack us up on a daily basis. the best is when they quote movies or tv shows saying things that they don't even understand. i love it!

and of course i would still have to say not to stand next to the cow's butt. after tasting a cow stomach i can safely say you don't want to be anywhere near any part of the digestive track! or where the stomach contents are expelled. makes me gag just thinking about it!

LiteralDan said...

That's okay-- it makes me gag just thinking about it, too, and I only read about it! The pictures alone say it all-- you should get some kind of award from the Turkish government just for trying it.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, Dan, this is one of my most favorite reocurring posts on your blog; fresh, funny, real and cute.

LiteralDan said...

Well, thank you very much-- that's reassuring, because I feel like these posts are my down days, when I need to recharge my batteries for weaving an actual anecdote together. I just throw a line or two in here and there, though usually they come in clusters.

I also love list posts because so many things are too short and simple to justify a whole post.

(Before anyone suggests it, I think using Twitter would make it too tempting to throw away ideas that might otherwise develop into full-length posts.)

Candid Carrie said...

People often under estimate the power of a good weave. Not me, weave 'em if you've got 'em.

LiteralDan said...

Oh yeah, I'm a weaver, alright. Sometimes to a fault, or at least to the point of ignoring a "Daddyyyyyy, when can I eeeeeeat??" for 5 or 10 minutes, so I don't drop a stitch, as it were.