07 June 2008

I am the monkey god, goo goo g'joob

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I believe I may have found my new calling. Forget this whole "Trying to put thoughts on paper and finding someone to pay me for it" nonsense, because at the risk of offending up to hundreds of millions of devout believers, I do believe that I could do a better job running an Indian business school than the monkey god Hanuman, though known for his strength and valor he may be:

Indian school names monkey god as its chairman

I don't even think my nearly complete ignorance of the language, culture, religion, or conventions of India and her people or my lack of (and reluctance to gain) formal business training could possibly hamper me in my ability to sit in an office, collect currency stronger than any dollar, and generally look noble and inspiring. Well, the occasionally uncontrollable giggling might hamper my stoic image, but I could always just hide under my desk and leave a note on top to the effect of:

Gone back to Mt. Olympus cause I forgot some of my god stuff. You heard me, Mt. Olympus-- the Ancient Greeks had it right, and everyone else since has been a fool. Please leave me a non-curried offering at your earliest convenience.

P.S. Don't look under my desk.

I suppose I'd have to have my secretary write it up, for obvious reasons, but as long as I had her do so when I wasn't giggling, such as one day towards the beginning of my tenure when I was still battling epic diarrhea, I could just copy and paste it thereafter.

I think I've covered pretty much every possible angle here, so this plan sounds like a go-- can either of my two incidental Indian readers offer me any assistance in finding another business school that hasn't yet contracted Hanuman for his chairmaning services?

I guess I should wait till I have that minor detail straightened out before informing J- that we'll soon be moving to India (which I think I'll dub the Canada of the Indian subcontinent, to help her get excited about it), but I feel pretty confident it will work itself out before she's back from her certification test today, so that makes the point moot.

She's going to be so excited!


family affairs said...

So, has your life completely changed now that you are a blog winner? Or are your feet still firmly on terra firma (so far)? Lx

Jon said...

Good Stuff Literal Dan!

Anonymous said...

My name is Scott Lancaster from DIYFather.com I was wondering if you would be interested in sharing content with my site and also if you would be interested in doing a podcast also?

I look forward to hearing from you

Regards Scott

Kevin McKeever said...

I think you'd male a kicking money god. Nearly complete ignorance of the language and culture worked for W.

Candid Carrie said...

I can check with my readers from India. I got a lot of hits when I ran a post called Pea Nuts, Vah Gee Nuts and Boo Bees.

It was a great day for me in Google Search Land. I have an entire fan base of four from India. I'll keep you posted.

Mama Dawg said...

I can totally see you as an Indian Monkey God....or maybe just as a monkey.

Either way would be hilarious.

(yes, I know you aren't applying for the position of an actual Indian Monkey God, but I just couldn't resist...I smell a revolt coming on with me and the rest of the minions).

LiteralDan said...

family affairs: Oh it's been a nonstop parade of girls, glitz, and fabulous wealth. I highly recommend it to everyone!

P.S. I don't think my feet have ever been on terra firma, my friend.

Black Hockey Jesus: Thankyasir, but let's not kid ourselves into thinking it's anywhere near Fat Bald Retarded Kid quality.

Scott Lancaster: Oh, I don't know about a podcast, but I can get back to you about the content-sharing idea. Thanks for stopping by!

Always Home and Uncool: Hopefully it stops working soon and he and his cronies get their just desserts, but till then, it might not be a bad model to follow, I suppose.

Carrie: You totally need to send you Indian readers my way. I'm trying to collect the whole international set!

Mama Dawg: I am totally a Monkey God already, it's all a matter of getting the paperwork and official licenses done. Though I could always just whip a few magic barrels at them to cut through the bureaucracy.