21 July 2008

Developments at our house, Vol. 9

Here are some more recent developments around these parts:

1. M- has taken to singing along with our cell phone ring tone, which is the Super Mario theme song. She figures with the icy knife of cuteness that is a 17-month-old saying, "Doot, doot, doot, doot-doot-DOOT!" she can control us like marionettes. She's probably right.

2. I realized while briefly lecturing D- on something that he has no basis for understanding what air quotes are supposed to signify, so I'm left wondering whether he gets a vague understanding from their context or if he's totally lost. I'd love to see the world through his eyes for just minutes at a time.

3. The shampoo I'm currently using is made to smell like a Fresh Berry Smoothie. It smells good, but I'm not sure how they arrived at this particular flavor of shampoo. I think flavor has got to be the right word, because that's what they seem to be going for, rather than having people just smell like something clean. I think I might submit the idea for a "Fresh Cheeseburger" flavored shampoo to all the major players, to see how many million-dollar offers I get.

4. After a handful of experimental instances over a couple of days, D- very solemnly declared one evening over a game of Cariboo that he now has new names for us-- "Dad" and "Mom". I don't think it's possible to type out how deliberately he pronounces these truncated names for us, so I won't even try, but each time he says them I'm struck with the reassurance that it will soon pass, at least for five more years.

I'm thinking of starting a pool with J-, and anyone else who wants in on the action, as to how long this will last before he forgets all about it. I'm also thinking of starting a separate pool with everyone but J- on whether her obvious irritation with this will make it stick before he can forget*.

* Properly pronounced "free-get" if you are a 4-year-old, it seems.


unmitigated me said...

I swoon when they use the oatmeal cookie scented shampoo where I get my hair cut.

Kori said...

I would buy the cheeseburger scented stuff, for sure!

Anonymous said...

I use a soap that has a name like 'whipped cashmere'
I'm not quite sure that should qualify as a flavor or a smell.

Anonymous said...

i LURVE the mario theme song! i currently have the cantina bar song as my ring tone. i don't get very many phone calls, so i'm thinking of having it as my text alert instead.

though, MAN, that song gets stuck in your head for DAYS.

i'm currently using kiwi flavored shampoo. but it tastes more like banana.

Anonymous said...

I think I will adopt "free-gets" as my own pronunciation, as well. It is snappy on so many levels.

Unknown said...

I think that the shampoo "flavoring" is supposed to attract the opposite sex. What flavors does you wife like? Wash with that and see what develops!

Chris M. said...

Is he putting the "-uh" sound on the last half of the names? Like momUH and dadUH...in a sort of punctuation on the end? I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm a scientist, for pete's sake.

Weather Moose

Mama Dawg said...

I so want that ring tone.

I would not use cheeseburger scented shampoo. I would be afraid the dogs would chase me down and kill me. Or a very fat man would try to eat my hair.

LiteralDan said...

Middle Aged woman: Mmmm... Throw some raisin essence in that shampoo and I just might have to take a sip.

Kori: I'll put your name down for a case.

MamaNeena: Yeah, I think that's more of a fabric.

Yo: It's a fantastically catchy and not-annoying ring tone. It seems to brighten everyone's day whenever we get a call in public.

The Star Wars Cantina song would be a pretty good one, too, but it's one that would identify you immediately as a huge nerd, though coming from me you have to know I say that with love.

Now I want a banana-kiwi smoothie.

Andrea's Sweet Life: He says it all the time, "Ummm... I free-get if I flushed the toilet... I'll go check" and so on.

Mekhismom: Hmmm... has anyone seen chocolate-scented shampoo? Keep an eye out for me, will you all?

Chris: I probably should have included that for the record: the names we've gone with for the past four years are Momma and Daddy, so now for reasons unknown to us, he decided we are now Mom and Dad.

He says them something like, "Mohhm" and "Daaad", because you can tell his brain is wired to call us something of two or more syllables, like almost all kids of his age in the history of the planet.

Mama Dawg: Oh come on, don't be a baby-- the dogs would only chew on you a little, at best. They'd quickly understand that you're not a cheeseburger after getting through a couple layers of skin.

And don't we all already have to fend off the fat men from our hair? You're just piling on my genius idea with nonsense. I suspect you may be trying to dissuade me from proceeding so you can steal my idea. How dare you! Are you Thomas Edison's great-granddaughter or something?

Swirl Girl said...

My oldest calls her dad, 'fahtherrr' in the same intonation as that of the cowardly lion in Wizard of Oz..mixed with a little Snagglepuss the cartoon lion. Can't you just hear it?

As for the shampoo, I'd love it if they could bottle fresh infant baby head scent - I wash with that anyday! I love that smell. The drool, spitup and formula cologne could be dabbed behind the ears!

LiteralDan said...

Infant head scent would be a good one, but might be a little unnerving in practice.

I've always found that the drool, spitup, and formula tend to apply themselves behind the ears and many other places.

Natalie said...

i love the oatmeal cookie shampoo idea! i wonder if those sorts of thing suppress your appetite or make you hungry. i'm thinking if i bathed in chocolate smelling something i would just be hungry for chocolate. although i have vanilla candles and don't feel the need to have ice cream. hm...a scientific experiment must be conducted...who was the scientist again?

Judy Schwartz Haley | CoffeeJitters.Net said...

not just cheeseburger, but "fresh cheeseburger"

and I love the thought on a kid's comprehension of air quotes.

TerriRainer said...

Good grief! I used that same freakin kid's shampoo just last night.

My hubby had taken MY shampoo to the kitchen to wash his hair (don't ask...I don't even know), so I had no choice but to smell like a darn smoothie!

:) Terri

LiteralDan said...

Natalie: (suddenly wearing horn-rimmed glasses and a conservative mustache) Ahem... Ma'am, I'm a scientist. I'm willing to go through the research if you will provide several dozen gallons of ice cream for my lab.

Judy Haley (coffeejitters): Well, shampoo that smelled like regular old cheeseburger would just be ridiculous.

Almost as ridiculous as I'm sure I looked breaking out the reflexive air quotes with a 4-year-old... or anyone else, for that matter. I try not to do it too much, but it's just so handy sometimes.

TerriRainer: Actually, this one isn't a kids' shampoo, unfortunately for me and my excuses, it's just whatever $1 bottle Suave had that didn't smell Weird (note the capital) to either J- or me (mostly J-). There aren't many manly smells to choose from, hence I ended up with a berry scent.

If I had my choice, I guess I might go with something in a Cedar.

Your husband sounds like a sensible man, based on that snippet alone. And in these companies' defense, most smoothies are quite delicious. Quite whining, ma'am, or I'll buy you a matching eyepatch and give you something to whine about.

SherE1 said...

My ring tone is Ne-Yo's song "Closer" and the baby does a little gangsta bounce when it comes on so I've been missing a lot of calls lately. Too distrated watching him dance.

The topic of air quotes cracked me up - if you haven't already seen it, the FRIENDS episode when Joey keeps using the air quotes in the wrong way - hilarious!!

LiteralDan said...

Baby dancing should be an Olympic sport, where all the participants just get a piece of candy or something. Wouldn't that make the world a better place?

I remember that one-- good old Joey (from Friends, not from the spinoff)! I'm waiting for D- to try breaking them out some time, now that I've slipped them in a few times by accident.

Andrea said...

I love the newborn head scent idea! People would queue up for a whiff. I would love to escape with it when the kids are being vile and I need a reminder of the sweet blob of baby that I started with....

LiteralDan said...

That's a good idea, they could market it as an anti-child-abuse tool. They could hand it out on those uber-nanny shows.

I can just picture people saying, "Here, wash with this today ... I don't care-- just do it, god dammit!"